First Impressions - Lasting and Inaccurate.

Have you ever met someone and knew right away that you did not like them? Have you ever met someone and connected them immediately? I have had both of these things happen to me? What if I asked if you have regretted those decisions after a couple of meetings? Oh come on now, we've all made this mistake on occasion. A rush to judgment that we regretted later.

This week I met with a group of ladies to talk about first impressions. One story that was shared, made the point real well. Laura was waiting to meet a client at a local restaurant. When the client pulled up in her Red Toyota, Laura could feel an instant dislike. Keep in mind here that she had never met the woman face to face but had spoken to her on the phone. They actually connected quite well on the phone. We had spoken often enough about first impressions that Laura knew to hold off on making the judgment.

As a coach, I journey with people to a place of self discovery. After a little probing, she recalled a situation a couple of years back where she had a tangle with a toxic coworker. Guess what colour car that toxic coworker drove....yep, you got it. She had a red Toyota.

The car was a trigger for Laura and it caused her to project all of the dislike from the past experience onto the present experience. When she saw the car, it was a trigger for the situation that had happened a couple of years ago. This caused her to dislike the lady without even waiting to get to know her.

When speaking with my friend Tom the other day he said he worked the other way. He really loved some people after one meeting only to regret it later. Oh yes, it works both ways for sure.

What a shame if we don't recognize our own tendencies to project. What opportunities will we miss out on? What great friendships will we forfeit. Will me make rash decisions that we will regret or get stuck spending time with folks that we don't really enjoy?

The solution is an easy one - wait and see. Don't rush to judgment. Take some time to get to know the person. Acknowledge the tendency to project and to make assumptions. I've been wrong about people often enough now that I take a bit of time before I make a firm decision, when it is practical to do so.

Sometimes it serves us well to make a rush decision but there are times when we are wrong - you be the judge but not to quickly....