Who Gets the Love?

Sometimes discrimination in the workplace isn't as overt as mistreating you in a very open and obvious way. Sometimes, it’s a little more subtle. Sometimes it’s got to do with who gets the love.

We all mess up at times, wouldn't you agree? If you’re really part of the inner circle, you can mess up and people help you out. They circle the wagons, so to speak, and treat you like a human being. Understand one thing: we all make mistakes in life. If you’re part of the 'in group', you’ll be forgiven and move beyond those mistakes.

When you’re not quite an insider yet and you make a mistake, well that is a horse of a different colour. In closed cultures, the rules are a little different. You’re more likely to be thrown under the bus when you mess up. That, my friends, is a more subtle form of discrimination. I could care less what the policies are. Failing to act is painful and hurtful and downright wrong. Inclusion is when you provide the same treatment to Jane as you would for Joe. Know what I’m saying? No brainer.

So, in your workplace, who gets the love?

Cardinal Rules for Women in Trades

So you have chosen a career in trades and you want to be amazing in your profession. They are lofty goals and many of us who have gone down that road have a real appreciation for what it takes to be someone who is respected in that workplace. What kind of person do you need to be to achieve that goal? You need to be the type of person who imposes rules upon herself even when those rules are not stated.

Here are my three cardinal rules for women in trades:

1. “Don’t get your honey where you make your money.” Show up on Day One as a professional. You’re not in a meat market. It’s not a pick-up joint. It’s a work place. Act accordingly. When we were young women in the army, we had a strict rule against fraternization. We tried to break it, of course. We also saw what happened to the people who did. If you ignore the rule, there are consequences. Maybe you won’t be called back to work next time you’re laid off because too much drama is hard to deal with. Women always get the blame; you don’t have to like it, but it is the truth.
2. Don’t tell dirty jokes, use sexual innuendos or comment on people’s body parts. Don’t open that door. You give them an inch and they will take a mile. Actions escalate. Today it’s a joke, but six months from now it’s a charge of sexual harassment with him saying, “She started it.” Don’t get yourself in that situation. Don’t accept the rope and you won’t hang yourself.
3. Observe the 3B rule: no breasts, no bellies and no bums. People who know me know that I’m well endowed in certain areas and I am proud of the girls, but when it comes to the workplace, it is minimize, minimize, minimize. Not the time or the place to be a diva.

Seems like common sense, but people who get in trouble have often ignored one of these cardinal rules.

photo by expertinfantry / Flickr

First Impressions - Lasting and Inaccurate.

Have you ever met someone and knew right away that you did not like them? Have you ever met someone and connected them immediately? I have had both of these things happen to me? What if I asked if you have regretted those decisions after a couple of meetings? Oh come on now, we've all made this mistake on occasion. A rush to judgment that we regretted later.

This week I met with a group of ladies to talk about first impressions. One story that was shared, made the point real well. Laura was waiting to meet a client at a local restaurant. When the client pulled up in her Red Toyota, Laura could feel an instant dislike. Keep in mind here that she had never met the woman face to face but had spoken to her on the phone. They actually connected quite well on the phone. We had spoken often enough about first impressions that Laura knew to hold off on making the judgment.

As a coach, I journey with people to a place of self discovery. After a little probing, she recalled a situation a couple of years back where she had a tangle with a toxic coworker. Guess what colour car that toxic coworker drove....yep, you got it. She had a red Toyota.

The car was a trigger for Laura and it caused her to project all of the dislike from the past experience onto the present experience. When she saw the car, it was a trigger for the situation that had happened a couple of years ago. This caused her to dislike the lady without even waiting to get to know her.

When speaking with my friend Tom the other day he said he worked the other way. He really loved some people after one meeting only to regret it later. Oh yes, it works both ways for sure.

What a shame if we don't recognize our own tendencies to project. What opportunities will we miss out on? What great friendships will we forfeit. Will me make rash decisions that we will regret or get stuck spending time with folks that we don't really enjoy?

The solution is an easy one - wait and see. Don't rush to judgment. Take some time to get to know the person. Acknowledge the tendency to project and to make assumptions. I've been wrong about people often enough now that I take a bit of time before I make a firm decision, when it is practical to do so.

Sometimes it serves us well to make a rush decision but there are times when we are wrong - you be the judge but not to quickly....