Who Gets the Love?

Sometimes discrimination in the workplace isn't as overt as mistreating you in a very open and obvious way. Sometimes, it’s a little more subtle. Sometimes it’s got to do with who gets the love.

We all mess up at times, wouldn't you agree? If you’re really part of the inner circle, you can mess up and people help you out. They circle the wagons, so to speak, and treat you like a human being. Understand one thing: we all make mistakes in life. If you’re part of the 'in group', you’ll be forgiven and move beyond those mistakes.

When you’re not quite an insider yet and you make a mistake, well that is a horse of a different colour. In closed cultures, the rules are a little different. You’re more likely to be thrown under the bus when you mess up. That, my friends, is a more subtle form of discrimination. I could care less what the policies are. Failing to act is painful and hurtful and downright wrong. Inclusion is when you provide the same treatment to Jane as you would for Joe. Know what I’m saying? No brainer.

So, in your workplace, who gets the love?

Are You Snagged in Your Own Safety Net?

Is it time to take that leap? Leave a full time, secure job or make enough money to put your disability pension in jeopardy? Those are tough choices. I’ve made at least one of them and coached others who have made both. For me it’s a no brainer, it’s the choice between living and shrivelling up and perishing. It’s as simple as that.

“But Debbie, you don’t understand, I may put my livelihood in jeopardy and we may not be able to enjoy the lifestyle we have.” That’s very true. Find a quiet place and be honest with yourself. Are you happy with the status quo? ‘Nuf said. You know what to do.

There are no guarantees in life. Risk takes guts. We all get to that chasm in life where we either jump or turn back. A devil you know or one you don’t? That’s a toughie.

Birthing a New Era - Men and Women as Team

We are at a pivotal time in our history. Many women of a certain age are learning the real secret - life is not like we thought it would be. For many of us we are on the cusp of bringing in a new way of doing things - whether it is relationships or who gets the remote after a long day of work. Things are changing.

It's not a case of women becoming empowered, it's more of a case of women and men realizing that the old model "women as caregiver, men as provider" does not work. We're birthing in a new era - we're going to be a team and it's about time.

What Kind of Woman do You need to Become?

Goals take work. That’s not news to you. You write it down. You set the intention. You take steps to make it happen. You fall off the wagon. You start again. You know the drill. Goals are not for the faint of heart.

The game changer for me came when I learned to ask myself this one question:  “What kind of woman do I want to become to achieve this goal?”

Check out this example. 2015 is the year of “strong body” for me. I have a goal that sees me changing my lifestyle resulting in a more active, slimmer and conscientious person when it comes to the benefits of good health. I’m not that woman yet.

I know the art of goal achievement - after all I make a living helping people achieve goals. I understand that goals take a lot of courage and determination.

The kind of person that I need to be to achieve this health and fitness goal is one with the courage to change. I have to be the kind of person who says no to a sale on chocolate cakes at the grocery store. I have to be a woman who jumps out of bed and into sneakers. I also have to be a woman who speaks a truth. Those chicken wings and nachos will not cut it if I am really committed to becoming a strong me.

I’m not that kind of woman yet. That’s the cold hard truth. But I will become that woman. I will gently morph into the type of person who is able to achieve that goal. It won’t be easy but a goal worth having is not one that is simple.

Have a look back at your goals and ask yourself the tough question: “What kind of woman do you need to become to achieve that goal?”

Get out there and get ‘er done.

photo by Sangudo / Flickr

Cardinal Rules for Women in Trades

So you have chosen a career in trades and you want to be amazing in your profession. They are lofty goals and many of us who have gone down that road have a real appreciation for what it takes to be someone who is respected in that workplace. What kind of person do you need to be to achieve that goal? You need to be the type of person who imposes rules upon herself even when those rules are not stated.

Here are my three cardinal rules for women in trades:

1. “Don’t get your honey where you make your money.” Show up on Day One as a professional. You’re not in a meat market. It’s not a pick-up joint. It’s a work place. Act accordingly. When we were young women in the army, we had a strict rule against fraternization. We tried to break it, of course. We also saw what happened to the people who did. If you ignore the rule, there are consequences. Maybe you won’t be called back to work next time you’re laid off because too much drama is hard to deal with. Women always get the blame; you don’t have to like it, but it is the truth.
2. Don’t tell dirty jokes, use sexual innuendos or comment on people’s body parts. Don’t open that door. You give them an inch and they will take a mile. Actions escalate. Today it’s a joke, but six months from now it’s a charge of sexual harassment with him saying, “She started it.” Don’t get yourself in that situation. Don’t accept the rope and you won’t hang yourself.
3. Observe the 3B rule: no breasts, no bellies and no bums. People who know me know that I’m well endowed in certain areas and I am proud of the girls, but when it comes to the workplace, it is minimize, minimize, minimize. Not the time or the place to be a diva.

Seems like common sense, but people who get in trouble have often ignored one of these cardinal rules.

photo by expertinfantry / Flickr

The Toxic Boss

What a difference it makes when you work for a boss who has your back. When I was a young mechanic in the army, I had the good fortune to work for a man who became the benchmark for other supervisors. Vic was not only fair, he was a gentleman, and he had a zero tolerance policy when it came to allowing anyone to bully the women. In the early 80s, there weren’t very many of us women in non-traditional trades in the army. They say the first one through the wall is usually the bloodiest and the truth was that we had a tough time in many areas. Vic had a way of dealing with people who broke the rules that let you know that you were going to be just fine. I was blessed to work for this man.

Because of this early experience, I was a little shocked when, later on, I had a boss that didn’t quite measure up. I worked for a man who was scared to confront a bully and was so two-faced that he had no one’s back except his own. What a difference it makes when you’re looked after in the work place. You can go to work, do your job and thrive. This new situation made it a chore to go to work and really impacted morale in the workplace.

When no one has your back, you need to develop some pretty amazing survival skills. With a weak boss, you’re on your own to protect yourself against bullies and people who like to abuse you. If my first encounter had been with this terrible supervisor, I would not have remained in the trade long enough to become a journeyman.

Vic ended up in a leadership role because he was not only a great technician, but he had great leadership skills. Unfortunately this is not always the case. There are all kinds of bosses out there with terrible skills when it comes to managing people. I hope you end up with the best and, if you don’t, learn some survival skills.

Good bosses:

• Stand up for you
• Set standards in the workplace that prohibit abuse

photo by Lottery Monkey/Flickr

Suspenders: You'll be Needin’ Them Now

If you intend to achieve results in your life, you have to gain control of your mind. During a recent workshop, I was passionately sharing with the class how important it is to suspend your disbelief when it comes to achieving goals. When the class was over, a student who had been sitting quietly at the back of the class made her way to the front. She wanted to know more about this concept of suspending disbelief. Actually she thought it wouldn't really work for her because no matter what she believed, she didn't have the resources right now to accomplish big change.

I loved where this conversation was heading. Achieving goals may require more resources, but the first ingredient is the right mindset. The resources will come. Dare to dream in technicolour and add a pinch of emotion and... voila!!! That is the recipe.

“So, that’s it?” she asked. I thought for a minute and, even though the explanation was a little oversimplified, the truth was that beliefs aren't the only things that need to be suspended. In a 'crabs in a bucket' society, it is often essential that you suspend your contact with some of those friends who work hard to undermine you at every turn. Those naysayers who will speak as loud as the little voice in your head to ensure that you never get ahead.

The mind is a powerful tool when it comes to accomplishing anything in life. For a while it got out of control with my 'poor me' and not being able to focus. I had to train my mind to dream a new dream and it is tough when your reality is not one that inspires hope.

So, suspend your disbelief for a second and dream a big dream. Surround yourself with folks who support you. Make sure there is alignment between your actions and your dreams. Once you develop the right mindset, you will see it as a tool you will use in all areas of your personal and professional life. Change your mind first and then your life will begin to change.

photo by Rrrrred / Flickr

Women make great apprentices, but...

“Pass that wrench to me, Debbie,” my father yelled down as I assisted him when he was repairing the furnace one day. It feels like I started my apprenticeship when I was four!! Truth be told, when girls are raised in families with tradespeople, it is not uncommon for them to learn the language of the industry just by being around it all the time.

The careers we chose (me a mechanic, and my sister and niece cement finishing) were quite natural for us. Women make awesome apprentices, but to become a journeyman, we have to have more than the hours in trade or a slip of paper. To become a functional journeyman, we have to challenge our internal belief systems.

Even after I received my qualification as a certified mechanic, I was quite content to be an apprentice during the work day. After all, it was safe to keep things going as they were. No sense ruffling feathers. The guys didn't mind having us around as much as they resented those women who looked arrogant to us. It wasn't until later that I realized that those women weren't arrogant at all. They were confident in what they did. I wanted to be just like them.

The defining moment for me was when I took the lead on some of those jobs, which was a huge risk - the risk of failure in front of folks who sometimes wanted us to fail. It meant stepping away from the women in our lives who were challenged by non-traditional women. It was a lonely place to be at times. Not quite belonging to the brotherhood, and having less and less in common with the sisterhood.

Where are you in the journey? Have you made that psychological shift yet? That's the real journey for us. Oh, the fun of it all.

2015 – Work the Plan

When you look back at the past year, what did you notice. Did things work out the way you had planned? What do you mean, you didn’t have a plan? That’s no way to live, make a plan and work the plan for a fantastic year.

Find a quiet corner and close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Let’s go.

Imagine that it is December 2015 and you’re looking back over the year ahead. Bear with me, this stuff works.

What have you achieved in 2015? Struggling to put yourself in this place – it gets easier to suspend your disbelief but don’t leave me yet. Take a deep breath. Imagine you’re responding to the question – “What kind of year did you have?”

Phrase your responses in the affirmative. Use examples below as template….

“My body is strong and getting stronger every day.”

“I have a beautiful partner in my life and we cherish one another.”

M gross revenue in my business is (fill in the blank).”

Now glorify in the feeling for a bit longer. How does it feel to have accomplished so much. Come on back to the present again. What do you need to do to achieve those goals? Make a plan and work the plan – simple isn’t it?

My First Business Coach – My Father

Long before terms like business coach, networking, pipelines and sales cycles were trendy, my father considered himself the go to guy for anything hobby farm related. He was a horse trader and my mother would swear that he would trade her if he got the right money. My father had all of the natural networking skill needed to be a successful business man. It was closing the deal that was a challenge for him. He would work a room, loved helping others and with just a rotary dial phone, he was The Connector Guy. When people needed something related to an animal, their first question would be “Did you call Randell?” My father knew the value of networking.

THE ART OF NETWORKING

This week I attended a couple of networking events and I couldn’t help but think of him. I watched people who were seasoned networkers and others who were just beginning and I wondered what he would tell anyone who asked how to do it.  As a teacher of business process, we often reverse engineer a task to see what the component parts are. I look at my father to see what that was. He would walk into a room and walk right up to a person he didn’t know and introduce  himself. He had the confidence to do that because he loved his people and he knew it was going to be fun. He would tell a story, make them laugh and set up a time to meet again. When we would get outside my father would pull a pencil from behind his ear and ask me to write a number down. Horse men don’t have business cards.

CONNECTING AFTERWARD

As a connector guy, he provided value add first. He always helped people find the people they needed to connect with. My father would be on the phone most evenings and we would hear him say “I’ll tell you why I’m phoning you. I got a fella needs a ……”  I know he’d tell you to help someone get what they need and the sale will come. I meet so many people who try and sell in that first introduction.

PUT ON A HAPPY FACE

Nobody likes a stick in the mud. We would rather buy from someone who will also give us a light dusting of humour with our sale. My father always made people laugh. It makes people feel good and we remember people who make us feel good. We do business with folks we know and trust.

FOLLOW UP

I can hear my father say “I must give buddy a call.” I’d ask “What for?” My father didn’t need a reason. People loved hearing from him and talking about what they had in common. In the conversation he would be planting seeds about this and that. It wasn’t awkward, the conversation naturally went that way. My father would tell me not to push too hard too early.

Last night I read the poem to him called  “The Race”. We both enjoy it and it’s about getting up again after a fall. Don’t worry about getting it right the first time, get up and try again if it is a flop the first time.

“You’re never going to get good at it if you give up.” Happy Networking.

3 Steps to Getting Over Frustration and On with Business

Don’t quit – frustration is a call to action.

Are you frustrated and ready to throw in the towel? I’ve been there and I’m glad that you’re here reading this. One day I am  sitting here with a friend and I am pissed. I’d worked my ass off to get where I was and where I was wasn’t all that great a place. No sales, can’t pay the bills – one failed attempt after another.

I QUIT

After a long rant I said “I quit. I was never meant to be in business. No one wants what I’m selling. I’m not cut out for this. I’m done!! Yes they were strong words but they were even stronger if you know the context. I was living on a disability pension. I am legally blind and even if I was not disabled, finding a job at my age is a challenge. Giving up was the equivalent of saying “I’ll just live on my disability pension for the next 30 years or so.” I was frustrated.

DON’T MINCE WORDS

My good friend Peter was great at not mincing words. He said “Debbie, listen to yourself. You’re not a quitter. You haven’t invested all of this energy to quit. Frustration is a call to action.”

He was right and it was just what I needed at the time. I licked my wounds and took a good hard look at myself. I am now headed down a new road but not before I learned a few lessons. If you are frustrated, here is what I would suggest:

TAKE 3 NOT SO EASY STEPS

1. Take a break and take an inventory of what you can do. You’ve got a lot of great skills that got you into business in the first place. Maybe you need a couple of new skills to get you to the next level.

2. Seek out help if you need it. Have you really humbled yourself or are you pissed because it is not coming easier to you?  I needed a coach to get me through this one.  Skills you need in business have nothing to do with selling the features of your product. It’s about learning to market.

3. Get a Peter in your life. Loads of people will tell you what you’re doing right. Most people won’t be honest. But a true friend will give you the goods. I’m grateful that Peter made me mad enough to get help that day. Find someone who will give you that kind of support.

Debbie describes herself as a resultant entrepreneur who is having the time of her life.

Budgets in 5 Simple Steps

Like most lessons I have learned tendency to wait for hard knocks before I get it. Not always the best choice, but it is what it is.  When I went bankrupt, I forced myself to learn how to budget. There was no way I was ending up back in that place again. Might I assume that you’re reading this because it is your time. Welcome aboard – you’re in great company.

In my program on financial literacy called The Buck Stops Here, I teach many new skills. We usually wind up needing these skills because somewhere along the way we missed that class on financial savvy. Maybe there was no class. I’ve only ever known borrowing from Peter to pay Paul and then hitting up Matthew and Mark. It only works for so long.  If you’re still reading, the good news is that you’re about to change all that.

People fail at diets and budgets because they take on too much all at once. I suggest a gentle approach. But hey, it’s your life.

TRACK SPENDING

Track your spending  for a minimum of three months to get a real sense of what your spending habits are. Where are you leaking valuable money? Tracking is like slowly pulling your head out of the sand. It gives you a lazer sharp focus on where the dough is going.

Own it. It’s your life and you need to take responsibility for it if you want to make changes. When you have had a chance to digest it, you’re ready for the next step.

OPEN THE BILLS

In this day and age, many of our bills are taken directly from our bank account. How many of your bills are stacked in a pile unopened? Take inventory of you must pay out each month. Print off a statement of each bill and don’t miss any. Stick them in a binder – let’s call it the budget binder. Don’t miss any – gym membership, car insurance, line of credit, student loan payment, etc.

WHAT IS COMING IN

How much money do you have coming in during the month? Many folks have a steady income – job security and they can count on the same money from week to week or month to month. Fixed income is easier to budget. Entrepreneurs have a different reality as you know. But you can still budget. What do you have coming in each month?

GET THE CALENDAR

Take your calendar and a black marker. Put the income in on the dates that you will receive it. Now take your red marker and enter the bill payments on the date that they are coming out of the account.

Don’t stop there – remember the tracking that you were doing. Look at the miscellaneous spending that went on. Put those numbers in if they are realistic.

No one is watching you. Don’t try and make a budget of what you should spend. Make it real – what will you spend your money on this month? If you are in deficit, you are in deficit. You can’t change all of the bad habits in one day. Give yourself a break. Have a long hard look and again, own the budget. It’s yours and as scary as it is, it is real.

We are all done sweeping things under the rug.

MONTH END EVALUATION

At the end of the month you pull it all out again. Because you have continued the practice of tracking your spending, you can now enter the actual numbers. You may do this periodically throughout the month. Either way, it’s all there in black and red. How did you make out? Were there any surprises? Do you need to make a change or two. It is up to you where you go from here. Do you need to take a second job?

It is your choice after all The Buck Stops Here.

A Bowl of Coffee Anyone? Staying motivated when the arse falls out of her.

Anyone who has been in business for a while knows that it is not for the feint of heart. Truth is it toughens you and teaches you how to be creative when it comes to problem solving. In order to be successful in business I believe that you also have to have a hunger to succeed, a real determination to get the job done. You’ve got to have a willingness to figure it out. Once you have it, nothing can stand in your way not even when things go wrong in the kitchen.

There’s a Hole in my Bucket

As I started to fill the pot with fresh water, I noticed it pouring right out the bottom – the arse had fallen out of her. No pot,no coffee. Now anyone who knows me knows that I have to have a morning coffee. I’ve  walked 8 miles in my jammers uphill in a snowstorm to get a cup of Tims. Lately I’d taken to brewing my own because it was too far to walk and I don’t drive.

We had a class A crisis on our hands. I tried shoving a mug under there to catch the coffee but the mug was too big and it was a bit tricky. The original lid on the pot actually sat against a mechanism that opened a valve where the coffee flowed out. My mug was not cutting it. After a few choice words, I decided that I’d have a tea. Truth be told, I didn’t want tea – I wanted coffee and I was hellbent on getting one.

What Have You Tried

In business when we hit a roadblock we need to get creative but only if you’re hellbent on getting it done. If you’re certain that you are going in the right direction, you won’t let obstacles stand in your way.  Will you? Just because you got turned down for that loan or grant, are you going to take that as a reason to quit or are you going to kick the creativity into high gear. It really is your choice.

I get clients who are ready to throw in the towel and when they tell me how big the obstacle is I do ask what they have tried. They pay me to help them make good decisions.  What about you – what do you do when faced with an obstacle. Have you really tried everything? Really? Really?

Get ‘er Done

I looked at that coffee maker and thought about my father – he taught me how to figger things out – he was a hardy Newfoundlander – a cross between Red Green and MacGyver. If he was here, he would size it up for a minute and then he’s say “Hang on now Debbie, I’ll show you how to fix that.”

My father knew what most business people know, there is more than one way to get the job done. Sometimes you have to be creative. Inspired by my father, I got up and got a little bowl and placed it where the pot should be. I then got a spoon and pushed up on that little valve and what do you think happened? You got that right – that coffee was flowing into the bowl, nice and hot and with a rich aroma. I was a happy camper.

You’ll be Tested

In business, like in life, you’ll be tested. Sometimes the test will really be a test of your commitment. If you’re walking away every time you have a challenge, you may not be in the right career. If you have a hunger, the right determination and a willingness to get creative, you will get the job done.

A bowl of coffee anyone?

The Buck Stops Here

No Avoiding It

No matter how hard I tried, I could not avoid bankruptcy. I thought I was doing it all right. Anyone who knows me well knows that I pride myself on being good with money.  No matter how good we are at managing money, when life shows up with a ripple, even the best of us can get derailed.

Double Edged Sword

Bankruptcy was tough – it took a toll on my self-esteem when the arse fell out of her. I thought I was down for the count. Bankruptcy was also the best gift I was ever given. Yes it was a tool that helped me to start over. But for me it was more than that. There was no way I was ending up back in this place again. I needed to take a long hard look at what it was that I could do to ensure that this didn’t happen. I had lessons to learn and I was like a sponge when it came to finding out what would work.

Track Spending

You don’t know where you need to trim if you don’t know where you’re spending. The first step for me was to track my spending. It took some time to get into the swing of things but I did it. Tracking alone wasn’t enough. Now that I knew were every penny was going, I sat there and asked “Where do I want it to go?”

Time for Reflection

You don’t lose it all and remain the same person. You only get lost in keeping up with the Jones one time and you learn a lesson. Now that you know where the money is going, you have to ask, where do you want it to go. What do you want the future to bring? I know that my values and needs had changed in the process.

I took the time to do my homework. The only thing that I ever knew about money was that if you get it you spend it. That’s what got me into this mess in the first place. Taking time to reflect helped me to make some good decisions. There is so much you can do when you have sound financial advice and you take a bit of time to make good decisions.

I think that life gives us the lessons we need to learn and when it comes to money, you have a choice. Learn it now or learn it next time around. For me, I decided to get off the Merry Go Round and take charge of my spending. It’s not about being perfect, it’s about making better decisions one day at a time.

They will think I’m nuts!!! When is it time to get new friends?

Are you a person who dreams big dreams? Are you working your butt off to make that dream a reality? Do you worry about what your friends will think of you if they knew what you spend your time pondering about and working on?

Here’s the deal. If you have done your homework and you’re thinking to yourself, I can pull this off. If you have designed a plan that looks like it could produce the results you need and you’re working that plan. If you have the energy that it takes to make big change in your life, it may be time to get new friends. Some people just think small and you don’t need those people in your corner right now.

You need to seek out “like minded” folks. Entrepreneurs are thinkers and they try are always taking risk. I’m an entrepreneur – I used to have a person in my life who would comment “you’re all over the place.” The reality was, if you are going to get big things off the ground, you will need to be all over the place. If you have to learn to network well, you need to be all over the place. If you are going to try and find a niche that feeds your soul, you will be all over the place. That person is no longer in my life. It was time to end a non-supportive friendship.

Get new friends, dream big and live the life your soul is screaming out to.

Out with Resolutions and in with Goal Setting

Resolutions – the first of the year is fast approaching and I’m taking a different approach this year. When we start out with a plan, we have to deal with the reality on the ground. I’m disciplined and I know how to design a plan but when it comes to certain areas, like health, I’m great at ignoring the plan.

I’ve made resolutions only to abandon them before we even get into week two of the new beginning. This year, I’m making a complex plan and I’m going to work the plan. I’ve got a burning desire, a plan in hand and an accountability partner. Here’s to new beginnings.

USE COMMON SENSE WHEN SETTING GOALS

I set a goal in each area where I want to make a change including areas such as health, relationships, finances, etc. There are all kind of formulas that go along with the acronym SMART but I ignore all of that because I use a bit of common sense instead. It has to be something  I can work up to accomplishing considering my own tendencies, quirks and foibles. I set goals that can work for me if I do the work. This year, health is a high priority. I’m a woman of a certain age and I knock on wood that I’ve gotten this far without any health concerns but carrying extra weight puts me at risk.

GOAL, SUB-GOAL, CHECK POINTS

My goal is sensible and one that I can reach in a year. I’ve given me lots of wiggle room to enjoy the good life but a goal worth striving to reach. I map out the year with sub-goals and check points. I don’t want to measure my success 12 months from now. I may need to tweak the plan along the way and deal with contingencies.

I have a big desk calendar and I’ve written in the special occasions that I know about so that I know where the pitfalls are and I’ll develop strategies along the way to deal with them.

Success for me will be measured by lifestyle change and with that comes weight loss and general overall well being.

NUTRITION AND FITNESS IN DISGUISE

I may need a little nutrition information so I’ve made a plan to get that. I’ll shift my daily eating patterns and I’ll read stories about what has worked for others. Education is key in change and I’m good at doing research.

When I reach milestones, I plan to celebrate them. They may not always be at the scale. Maybe it will be a full week of eating breakfast or maybe I’ll celebrate when I’ve exercised for 4 weeks in a row.  Celebrating success is important and being grateful is always beneficial.

Let’s play word association. When I say fitness, you think……gym. I am not a gym person. I am a person who enjoys fitness in disguise. My friend mentioned tobogganing this morning and I got real excited. I love the rush of racing down the hill and the the social aspect and look at that….you get your heart rate racing and the fun produces endorphins – now that’s fitness in my books.

NOT WRITTEN, NOT REAL

Mind mapping and tracking are two tools that are key to success in any area. I’ll track my eating and my goals and I’ll use creativity with crayons and whatever works to get it down on paper. It’s all about remaining motivated and committed. Get the paper out and make it work for your style.

PHONE A FRIEND

I need an accountability partner. I also know who it is going to be – she knows that I’m persuasive and she’s not afraid to give me the goods. She can talk me down form that mountain of mint pistachio that I’m about to consume or maybe that I have already consumed.

My partner never tries to make me feel guilty – she knows I want this and I’ve given her permission to speak to me in a way that works for me. She always reminds me that I make the decisions and I have to be able to live with them.

I’m a great planner, list maker and I logically know what I need to do. I’m also very good at telling others what to do. In the past, I’ve not been great at working the plan but this is a new dawn of a new day and I’m getting back on the wagon. Wish me luck.

What will they think?

Have you ever heard a little voice inside your head say “Who do you think you are?” or better yet “What makes you think anyone would want to listen to what you had to say?” Well I have to say that more than once in my life I have held myself back because I wondered what they would all think.

I have no idea who the “they” are that I might be worried about. There is no group in particular but there is that resistance. I have learned to push through it and take responsibility for what happens. Lately I’ve been listening to people like Seth Godin speaking about waiting for someone’s permission. There really is no need to – we’re at a time where there is room enough for all of us to be creative.

This is what I’ve decided – I’m going to do whatever it is that I plan on doing and I’m going to do the best I can. If my best is not good enough or if I fall flat on my face, I will learn from that. In spite of that I’ll probably try again. I’m no stranger to failure – the only people who are strangers to failure are the people who did not take risk at all.

Who do I think I am? Well, I’m someone who loves to learn and try new things. I like to give the world a piece of my mind lately and I love to have fun. That’s it and in spite of not being anyone famous or special, I’m going to take risk. I’m going to speak at the conference and I’m going to try new things. What about you? Ready to get out there and maybe fall flat on your face. Who cares what they might think?

5 Steps to Effectively Ask for What you Want

1. Decide what you are asking for. Know what your problem is and ask for a specific thing. Don’t be ambiguous. If your car is broken and you need $300.00 to get it fixed – ask for that amount. If you need to speak to the bank about missing a mortgage payment, ask for that. Don’t pussy foot around.

2. Ask the right person. Don’t get in the habit of assuming that someone will help. Ask the person who not only has the means but who is most likely to help you out. If you think that your brother ought to help you out but he never has been that helpful, don’t put yourself through the grief of asking. Ask a reasonable person who has the means and is likely to say yes to a request. It is also best to ask the person who has he authority to make the decision.

3. Be open to alternative suggestions. There is more than one way to solve a problem. Don’t let stubbornness get in the way of a solution that will work. If you ask a friend to pay for car repairs, he may suggest that you use a friend of his. Maybe a mechanic friend owes him a favour – be open to an alternative solution.

4. Ask again. Maybe the alternative suggestion won’t work. Maybe his buddy can’t fix the car until Wednesday but you have to drive your child to a volleyball tournament on Tuesday. If the original request is the best one, be clear about that. Explain your concern and clearly ask again.

5. Close the deal. It is tough to ask for help but if you are taking this tough step, you need a clear response. Maybe will not get your out of your jam. Don’t ask an open ended question. Be clear in the final closing question. Will you help me out? Yes/No. Get the details of how it will unfold. Will we run to the bank now? Can you write me a check? What time will I drop the car off? Don’t leave these details hanging and do not walk away from the conversation without a clear response. It may be a “big ask” in which case the person may have to consult with another person. In this case, ask to set up a time to meet again for the final approval. Don’t leave the ball in their court.

It can be tough to ask for a favour from someone but if you have found the courage to ask, do it well.

Diversify

It has  been an exciting couple of weeks. Entrepreneurs are accustomed to the ups and downs of business. It can be feast or famine – which is why diversifying is often a good thing.  I was asked by a friend in the tax business to teach a couple of classes. As an adult educator, designing productive and interactive programming is exciting regardless of what the topic. I welcomed the opportunity to teach outside of my area of expertise. Taxes are intriguing, thought provoking and intellectually challenging. My kind of topic. I haven’t felt this engaged  with a subject since I was at Law School. I welcomed the chance to learn and grow.

Training went well but little did I know that it was the beginning of a fun time together. After the training was done, he made me an offer that I could not refuse. He wanted to set up shop in a new location and wanted me to help manage the store. I jumped at the opportunity and accepted his offer on the spot. I could see a learning curve on the horizon and I welcomed it.

This past week we opened the TAXMAN’s newest location at 556 Sackville. Yours truly will be found there most days helping people navigate the murky waters of tax preparation.

What I have learned is that it isn’t necessary to have all of the answers to try something new. We just have to have the desire to give it our best and the things we need will show up. I’ve learned amazing lessons even in this short period that will benefit me in my business. Negotiating a lease, hiring contractors and marketing are just a few of the skills I’ve acquired.

I’ve had a great mentor and teacher whose calm support helped me along the way. Next time you’re given a chance to try something new, jump at the chance and you’ll surprise yourself.

Do Something!! It’s Your Happiness...

Getting stuck is a natural part of life. Getting unstuck can be difficult especially when we don’t know what change might bring. Maintaining the status quo seems to often be a better option than jumping into the unknown. But is living a miserable life a better option? I don’t think so.  Having been on both sides of the fence, I’d choose living to coasting any day.

Tell me more, you say. Well in order for things to be different in your life, you’re going to have to do something different. You can’t do the same old thing and expect a different result. You need a new variable. Some of us are ok with taking major steps but I suggest starting small and building on that success. Once you survive a small change, you may amaze yourself. Control may not be front and centre in your mind – happiness can take priority.

Take Jane for example. Jane was tired of her job and really didn’t enjoy her neighborhood. She sometimes allowed herself to dream but then she worried about where the money would come from, what would her family say and how could she start over. Instead of taking a step toward change,  she did what we all do. She told herself a lie.

“Things aren’t that bad. There are people worse off than I am. Life is hard. I’ve got it pretty good. She may have convinced herself but she did not convince anyone around her. Jane started to wonder why people were avoiding her. No one called her to go out and she would often hear of a get together after it had taken place.

If you asked her friends their side of things, they would tell you that Jane was painful to be around. She was miserable and she was making everyone else miserable. Jane was a wet rag – given an opportunity to rain on someones parade, she would do it. She found it difficult to share in someone else’ joy because she was so miserable herself.

We’ve all been Jane at one time or another. Think about what got you out of the Jane mode?  For me it took shaking things up a bit. It meant kicking myself in the butt and going out on a limb. It meant taking risk.

Going out on a limb can mean different things to different people. For some it may mean joining an organization or moving to a new department at work. For others, it could be quitting your dead end job and moving halfway around the world. Yes, you may upset the apple cart and people around you may not support your change. But once you take charge of your life and start doing more of what you love, you’ll grow.

This advice isn’t for the naysayer who has no desire or courage to change. This note is for you – if you’ve ever looked at your life with boredom or wanted more than what you have. Take the wheel. You don’t get to control the road but you are the driver.  Where are you driving today?