Fran had no trouble getting along with the guys – she was one of those women born to work in open pit mining. She had been there 17 years and never really had a major event like some of the ladies reported. She loved working in the trades. People often said that it was because of her personality – she was funny, generous and kind. She would say that growing up with 5 brothers had prepared her for this work.
Get ‘er Done
The thing that also worked in her favour was that she liked to nip trouble in the bud before it got out of control. Even though the thought of having a difficult conversation made her anxious, she had seen too often what could happen when things are not dealt with. She knew that it was important to get ‘er done so the crew could get back to work.
Things were a little different this time. The new boss had only been here about 6 months and things had gone downhill since he came on board. He timed his sexist comments and jokes for when Fran was in earshot. If that weren’t bad enough – the guys had taken to repeating the jokes and offensive language. For example, she and Tim had worked alongside one another for years without a bad word between them. Lately he had taken to referring to women as splitarses – a particularly offensive term that she had never heard him use.
It was affecting her work – she had always loved coming to work, more often these days she had to force herself out the door in the morning. Her husband and children were starting to notice that work made her grumpy. It was time to deal with this because it was impacting her private life.
There was no other option – she had to speak to her boss. Supervisors often don’t realize that they are setting trends. If he gets away with it, then the guys will think it’s ok. One bad seed in a position of authority has the potential to destroy the culture. Bad behaviour at the top could mean hell at the bottom. Some of her male co-workers agreed that the standard had changed and even some of the guys were feeling the pain.
Power Imbalance
Fran knew that anxiety was common whenever there was a need to have a difficult conversation. What she was not prepared for was how the anxiety increased when there was a power imbalance - the stakes were so much higher. The playing field was no longer level.
She had a lot to think about. She did what she normally did – visualized herself going into the office, having the conversation while keeping the conversation on topic. It was important that she only speak about the impact that his behaviour was having in the workplace and she needed to use specific examples. She’s been documenting them for a while now.
It might be a little easier if the boss had a heart of gold but he was known for his biting remarks and use of sarcasm. Fran knew that there was a risk involved. There was no turning back – she was prepared to leave the company if need be.
Fran’s story is not an uncommon one. People have no control over how things will turn out. Many toxic environments are made worse because the boss contributes to or sets the standard for toxic behaviour. Having the conversation is essential – moving on might be the only viable solution but that should only take place after the conversation has taken place.
28 May 2011
25 May 2011
Diversity - Diversity - Diversity
Diversity is a growing field because diversity presents challenges in the organization. Times have changed from back in the day when I was part of my first diversity initiative. At age 17, I left my small rural community in NL for a job as a mechanic. The Army was recruiting women to diversify its force. When I look back now, I shake my head - no sensitivity training, no mentoring and no Charter of Rights and Freedoms. Not all the women fared well - the only real option was assimilation and we were not all good at pretending to be something we weren't. Our biggest challenge was staying out of the crosshairs of the institutional bullies. We were not all lucky enough to do that.
The old way is gone and workplaces are having to change - it's about time too. Self acceptance is hard enough without entering a workplace where you're not accepted because of your difference. For diversity to work, the workplace has to change. This is especially the case where workers have never been exposed to a diverse workplace. I always say that they don't know what they don't know. Often they don't know that things they do each day could hurt another person. Change is tough but abuse is tougher.
Thirty years ago, I walked in on a situation where a woman was being verbally abused by a bully and there were bystanders watching. The guy tried to explain himself by saying "We were just having fun, she can't take a joke." The language that he was using toward this women is not even something that a liberal person like me would repeat. I was not a strong woman then, I am ashamed at the way I could not protect her but I never did forget that remark. "We were just having fun - she can't take a joke."
There was no joke, he was engaged in verbal abuse of a sexual nature with lewd remarks and catcalls. and the guys that were looking on joined in laughter and taunting - I've often thought about those guys and how they did what they did to fit in just like all of us did. One apple can really spoil the whole barrell. Times have changed or at least they should. Change takes place sometimes by shining a light on a situation and opening up the situation for candid dialogue. Women that have gone through this industry and learned a lesson or two can share their story to help another.
Working in trades is not the only place where people are vulnerable. Dalhousie University has a diversity initiative to recruit underrepresented minorities. I was admitted into the program by self disclosing that I was disabled. Black and Aboriginal people are also recruited based on these personal characteristics. I love diversity initiatives. There was a support program in place inside the institution to help the Black and Aboriginal students transition but no such program for disabled people. I was also underrepresented on a number of fronts - I was a first generation university student, single mom living on a disability pension. I stood out like a sore thumb alongside my classmates whose family backgrounds were often a little more distinguished.
I remember being asked by a fellow disabled man if I had self disclosed and of course I self disclosed as a disabled woman - I doubt that I would have gotten in on my pedigree alone. He said that he did not self-disclose to get in but he had shared that his dad was a Superior Court Judge and I asked if he had disclosed this on his application. Self identifying comes in all shapes and forms. There can be many benefits of privilege - the privilege of the underrepresented or the privilege of social standing.
Underrepresented minorities need to be protected against the dominant culture - they're at risk if left to their own devices. At the very least, a mentoring program is required but further supports are required especially if you're crossing social strata. I recently spoke with a group of women who are being recruited to go into the trades. They are vulnerable on a number of fronts - they are new to the workforce and entering a non-traditional workforce is an added burden. They need skills to survive in this culture.
It takes a tremendous amount of courage to enter a diversity initiative and to disclose your vulnerabilities. The least that can happen in the workplace/school is that they be given the respect and support that they need to succeed.
The old way is gone and workplaces are having to change - it's about time too. Self acceptance is hard enough without entering a workplace where you're not accepted because of your difference. For diversity to work, the workplace has to change. This is especially the case where workers have never been exposed to a diverse workplace. I always say that they don't know what they don't know. Often they don't know that things they do each day could hurt another person. Change is tough but abuse is tougher.
Thirty years ago, I walked in on a situation where a woman was being verbally abused by a bully and there were bystanders watching. The guy tried to explain himself by saying "We were just having fun, she can't take a joke." The language that he was using toward this women is not even something that a liberal person like me would repeat. I was not a strong woman then, I am ashamed at the way I could not protect her but I never did forget that remark. "We were just having fun - she can't take a joke."
There was no joke, he was engaged in verbal abuse of a sexual nature with lewd remarks and catcalls. and the guys that were looking on joined in laughter and taunting - I've often thought about those guys and how they did what they did to fit in just like all of us did. One apple can really spoil the whole barrell. Times have changed or at least they should. Change takes place sometimes by shining a light on a situation and opening up the situation for candid dialogue. Women that have gone through this industry and learned a lesson or two can share their story to help another.
Working in trades is not the only place where people are vulnerable. Dalhousie University has a diversity initiative to recruit underrepresented minorities. I was admitted into the program by self disclosing that I was disabled. Black and Aboriginal people are also recruited based on these personal characteristics. I love diversity initiatives. There was a support program in place inside the institution to help the Black and Aboriginal students transition but no such program for disabled people. I was also underrepresented on a number of fronts - I was a first generation university student, single mom living on a disability pension. I stood out like a sore thumb alongside my classmates whose family backgrounds were often a little more distinguished.
I remember being asked by a fellow disabled man if I had self disclosed and of course I self disclosed as a disabled woman - I doubt that I would have gotten in on my pedigree alone. He said that he did not self-disclose to get in but he had shared that his dad was a Superior Court Judge and I asked if he had disclosed this on his application. Self identifying comes in all shapes and forms. There can be many benefits of privilege - the privilege of the underrepresented or the privilege of social standing.
Underrepresented minorities need to be protected against the dominant culture - they're at risk if left to their own devices. At the very least, a mentoring program is required but further supports are required especially if you're crossing social strata. I recently spoke with a group of women who are being recruited to go into the trades. They are vulnerable on a number of fronts - they are new to the workforce and entering a non-traditional workforce is an added burden. They need skills to survive in this culture.
It takes a tremendous amount of courage to enter a diversity initiative and to disclose your vulnerabilities. The least that can happen in the workplace/school is that they be given the respect and support that they need to succeed.
19 May 2011
A Day in the life of a Coach
PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE DUDE
Joanie calls me one day and she says, "Debbie, I need your help. I'm having problems with this guy at work and I don't know what I did to make him hate me. He used to really like me and yesterday we had a Safety Meeting and he didn't even pass the word on to me. I looked stupid when my boss asked me why I wasn't there. When I asked Jack why he never told me he mumbled that he wasn't my supervisor. I can't handle this drama - what do I do?"
Well, of course I can help you out sista - you've got a classic case of jealousy on your hands.
I love my job - coaching women through those days at work when everything seems to be going wrong. It's tough enough to have chosen a profession that is hard on the body but when it is hard on the mind, it gets tough to handle. After all we usually have to go home to a family who wants us to care for them - we don't have time for this childishness at work. Being a woman in trades can be challenging but there are little tools to add to your tool box.
You're wondering what I told her?
Well, for starters, we always acknowledge that we can't change other people - we can only change our reaction. If they ain't lovin' they're fearin' is what I like to say.
Then we take a walk in the other person's shoes for a minute. When Joanie came onsite, Jack was very nice to her. Jack was known for being helpful and he had a reputation for being the go-to guy. But Joanie was getting quite confident in her work lately and recently a couple of the guys had gone to her for advice on a particular technical problem they were having.
Jack observed all of this. Joanie was taking away his job - she was becoming the go-to gal. Jack was feeling the rub.
Are you having an 'ah ha' moment right about now? I wonder what Joanie will do with this information? Will knowing this change anything? What would you do?
Oh the life of a coach is very, very interesting - especially when people say "ah ha - hadn't thought of that."
In Sisterhood - Deb
Joanie calls me one day and she says, "Debbie, I need your help. I'm having problems with this guy at work and I don't know what I did to make him hate me. He used to really like me and yesterday we had a Safety Meeting and he didn't even pass the word on to me. I looked stupid when my boss asked me why I wasn't there. When I asked Jack why he never told me he mumbled that he wasn't my supervisor. I can't handle this drama - what do I do?"
Well, of course I can help you out sista - you've got a classic case of jealousy on your hands.
I love my job - coaching women through those days at work when everything seems to be going wrong. It's tough enough to have chosen a profession that is hard on the body but when it is hard on the mind, it gets tough to handle. After all we usually have to go home to a family who wants us to care for them - we don't have time for this childishness at work. Being a woman in trades can be challenging but there are little tools to add to your tool box.
You're wondering what I told her?
Well, for starters, we always acknowledge that we can't change other people - we can only change our reaction. If they ain't lovin' they're fearin' is what I like to say.
Then we take a walk in the other person's shoes for a minute. When Joanie came onsite, Jack was very nice to her. Jack was known for being helpful and he had a reputation for being the go-to guy. But Joanie was getting quite confident in her work lately and recently a couple of the guys had gone to her for advice on a particular technical problem they were having.
Jack observed all of this. Joanie was taking away his job - she was becoming the go-to gal. Jack was feeling the rub.
Are you having an 'ah ha' moment right about now? I wonder what Joanie will do with this information? Will knowing this change anything? What would you do?
Oh the life of a coach is very, very interesting - especially when people say "ah ha - hadn't thought of that."
In Sisterhood - Deb
18 May 2011
Day 1 - I'm so nervous
Susie,
I knew you’d be a bit nervous about your first day so I thought I’d share a few nuggets of wisdom with you from back in the day. I know how much you hate it when I say that but promise you’ll read this to the end. You see, us older ladies have been there and you don’t need to reinvent the wheel everytime.
I can remember how exciting it was to pick out my clothes the night before that big day. I’d been given my gear during Orientation Training and my brother had helped me to scuff it all up a bit so that I wouldn’t stand out as a newbie. I chuckle at it now – it probably helps psychologically but there is no getting away from the fact that when you walk in, it will be like aliens have landed . So suck it up sista.
I was told to report to Arnie at Site 9 and some guy pointed him out for me. I thought Arnie was ancient looking – he looked 50. Back when I was 20, it seemed old but now that I’m 50, I’ve changed my mind about that.
I walked over to Arnie and held out my hand and said “Hi, I’m Debbie”. I used my assertive voice like they taught me in the interview workshop. He didn’t even look at me as he yelled out to another guy. “Ted. Get over here!!”
“Ted, this is Donna – she’s going to work with you today.” I could tell that Ted was not so pleased about this and he looked like he was hearing it for the first time. Great!! I found out later that the guys on the site didn’t even know that there was a woman coming into the worksite which made them resent us more. But that’s a topic for another day.
“Debbie, my name is Debbie.” I wasnted to yell. All of a sudden, Ted grabs me and yells out “What the F…..” as he whirls me behind him. I must have looked frightened because he softened up a little.
“Donna, there’s a lot of stuff going on here – keep your eyes and ears peeled at all times.” I looked around then and saw a couple of cranes swinging overhead, trucks everywhere moving supplies in and debris out. It was crazy. People were working together in little clusters minding their own business.
I’m brought back to reality when he says “Grab the end of this board, we’re moving them down into the hole.” I spent the rest of the day moving boards down into a hole, one by one. It didn’t make much sense to me at the time. I thought I’d be reading blueprints, doing layouts, bossing everyone around on the first day. I thought I'd have my own slaves. Carrying boards – are you kidding me????
But it all makes sense Susie – there’ a method to this madness. Back at the college we were taught how everything fit together but we never had the pressure of the real world and we didn’t parachute into the middle of a project. The real world is kind of crazy Susie – you have to hit the ground running. Just do what they tell you to do and it will all make sense after a while.
I can remember picking up one end of a couple of planks we were carrying and as we stepped off, I went to the left and he went to the right – I felt so foolish but Ted just chuckled and said “Donna, listen to what I’m saying.”
I remember thinking at the time that I hadn’t learned anything that first day. But I learned plenty and you will too – I learned that it’s important to be aware of what’s going on around you in an environment with a lot of hazards. I’m a much better listener now because of the mistakes I made that day. I was given a task that I thought was below me – imagine me carrying board around – that’s not what I trained for. But it is so important to learn how to operate in this environment so that I’m safe and my fellow worker is safe – starting with a less demanding task helped me to learn that. You’re getting used to the environment in those early days – there will be plenty of time for challenge later on.
At one point Ted said, “Let’s scab these boards together, Donna.” I had to ask even though I felt like a fool – “What’s a scab?” I thought it was something that I picked off my knee when I was a kid. But scabbing is industry lingo for nailing two pieces of board together. Obviously there are new terms to learn too.
When the day was over, Ted and I walked out together. “You did a good job today Debbie.” Did he really just call me Debbie – now that is progress?
“Tomorrow we’re working on the barge. I never asked what a barge was – I would learn when I saw it. I was starting to trust the process a little.
Susie, enjoy your first day. You’re new, they know you’re new. You have nothing to prove…...yet. lol
Call me when you get home.
I knew you’d be a bit nervous about your first day so I thought I’d share a few nuggets of wisdom with you from back in the day. I know how much you hate it when I say that but promise you’ll read this to the end. You see, us older ladies have been there and you don’t need to reinvent the wheel everytime.
I can remember how exciting it was to pick out my clothes the night before that big day. I’d been given my gear during Orientation Training and my brother had helped me to scuff it all up a bit so that I wouldn’t stand out as a newbie. I chuckle at it now – it probably helps psychologically but there is no getting away from the fact that when you walk in, it will be like aliens have landed . So suck it up sista.
I was told to report to Arnie at Site 9 and some guy pointed him out for me. I thought Arnie was ancient looking – he looked 50. Back when I was 20, it seemed old but now that I’m 50, I’ve changed my mind about that.
I walked over to Arnie and held out my hand and said “Hi, I’m Debbie”. I used my assertive voice like they taught me in the interview workshop. He didn’t even look at me as he yelled out to another guy. “Ted. Get over here!!”
“Ted, this is Donna – she’s going to work with you today.” I could tell that Ted was not so pleased about this and he looked like he was hearing it for the first time. Great!! I found out later that the guys on the site didn’t even know that there was a woman coming into the worksite which made them resent us more. But that’s a topic for another day.
“Debbie, my name is Debbie.” I wasnted to yell. All of a sudden, Ted grabs me and yells out “What the F…..” as he whirls me behind him. I must have looked frightened because he softened up a little.
“Donna, there’s a lot of stuff going on here – keep your eyes and ears peeled at all times.” I looked around then and saw a couple of cranes swinging overhead, trucks everywhere moving supplies in and debris out. It was crazy. People were working together in little clusters minding their own business.
I’m brought back to reality when he says “Grab the end of this board, we’re moving them down into the hole.” I spent the rest of the day moving boards down into a hole, one by one. It didn’t make much sense to me at the time. I thought I’d be reading blueprints, doing layouts, bossing everyone around on the first day. I thought I'd have my own slaves. Carrying boards – are you kidding me????
But it all makes sense Susie – there’ a method to this madness. Back at the college we were taught how everything fit together but we never had the pressure of the real world and we didn’t parachute into the middle of a project. The real world is kind of crazy Susie – you have to hit the ground running. Just do what they tell you to do and it will all make sense after a while.
I can remember picking up one end of a couple of planks we were carrying and as we stepped off, I went to the left and he went to the right – I felt so foolish but Ted just chuckled and said “Donna, listen to what I’m saying.”
I remember thinking at the time that I hadn’t learned anything that first day. But I learned plenty and you will too – I learned that it’s important to be aware of what’s going on around you in an environment with a lot of hazards. I’m a much better listener now because of the mistakes I made that day. I was given a task that I thought was below me – imagine me carrying board around – that’s not what I trained for. But it is so important to learn how to operate in this environment so that I’m safe and my fellow worker is safe – starting with a less demanding task helped me to learn that. You’re getting used to the environment in those early days – there will be plenty of time for challenge later on.
At one point Ted said, “Let’s scab these boards together, Donna.” I had to ask even though I felt like a fool – “What’s a scab?” I thought it was something that I picked off my knee when I was a kid. But scabbing is industry lingo for nailing two pieces of board together. Obviously there are new terms to learn too.
When the day was over, Ted and I walked out together. “You did a good job today Debbie.” Did he really just call me Debbie – now that is progress?
“Tomorrow we’re working on the barge. I never asked what a barge was – I would learn when I saw it. I was starting to trust the process a little.
Susie, enjoy your first day. You’re new, they know you’re new. You have nothing to prove…...yet. lol
Call me when you get home.
17 May 2011
She's My Hero
Brenda Lynch is a lady from Upper Island Cove, NL who will start work again on Monday in Long Harbour. She is a remarkable lady and I mean that from the bottom of my heart not because she is my sister but because she is so awesome. Brenda and her husband have lived and worked in Nova Scotia for many years and they operated their own business doing Cement Finishing. It was here that she learned and perfected her craft. She is the only cement finisher Journeywoman in the Bricklayers Union in NL. She is also 49 years old and a mom to two fantastic kids.
Brenda is a tiny yet dynamic lady. Even though she works alongside men whose sheer size can be intimidating, she is not easily ruffled and can hold her own among the guys. She can work with the best of them and often has been guilty of offering creative solutions for problem solving on the job. Men who work alongside Brenda have been heard to say that they love having Brenda on their crew. She gets along well with the men, enjoys a laugh and a good story and is a tremendous team player.
I think I speak for all women when I say that we're proud to have Brenda in the ranks of TRADESWOMAN EXTRAORDINAIRE. We're sending out best wishes to her as she heads into this new venture in her life. Way to go sista....
Brenda is a tiny yet dynamic lady. Even though she works alongside men whose sheer size can be intimidating, she is not easily ruffled and can hold her own among the guys. She can work with the best of them and often has been guilty of offering creative solutions for problem solving on the job. Men who work alongside Brenda have been heard to say that they love having Brenda on their crew. She gets along well with the men, enjoys a laugh and a good story and is a tremendous team player.
I think I speak for all women when I say that we're proud to have Brenda in the ranks of TRADESWOMAN EXTRAORDINAIRE. We're sending out best wishes to her as she heads into this new venture in her life. Way to go sista....
Social Media - Generational Difference
What a great afternoon. The Sackville Business Association hosted a wonderful Social Media event at the Avodah Cafe in Lower Sackville today. We enjoyed delicious soup, sandwiches and desserts while we learned all about using modern technologies to develop relationships with people online.
Joel Kelly of MT&L, Sarah Carver of Radian6 and Lauren Oostveen of Nova Scotia Archives shared some fascinating information about the benefits of social media and some stories about what can go wrong when it is not managed well. It was informative and a little overwhelming at the same time.
It goes without saying that Social Media is the way of the future and it will impact business in a large way. I had a real ah ha moment during the presentation as I realized how important it is to ensure that if you're going to do the online thing, it makes good sense that you do it well. A half baked program can ruin your image. It is another example of the difference between the generations - the younger folk clearly excel at grasping and utilizing this media.
But, and this is the caveat - at the end of the day, it's not the panacea that everyone might think it is. Social Media, when done well, will get people in the door and face to face with a client. The face to face part is probably the "old fashioned" part and it is the area where the older folk are excelling. After all, for time immemorial, the older generation have been fostering, nurturing and growing face to face relationships.
The final outcome for me - I'll be making sure that I tweak my online presence in the coming months to get with the game. I see that it does have value and I'll be getting a younger person - like my nephew Shane - to really help me to get it right. It's another example of how the generations compliment one another with the skills that they have in a world that is quite diverse.
Joel Kelly of MT&L, Sarah Carver of Radian6 and Lauren Oostveen of Nova Scotia Archives shared some fascinating information about the benefits of social media and some stories about what can go wrong when it is not managed well. It was informative and a little overwhelming at the same time.
It goes without saying that Social Media is the way of the future and it will impact business in a large way. I had a real ah ha moment during the presentation as I realized how important it is to ensure that if you're going to do the online thing, it makes good sense that you do it well. A half baked program can ruin your image. It is another example of the difference between the generations - the younger folk clearly excel at grasping and utilizing this media.
But, and this is the caveat - at the end of the day, it's not the panacea that everyone might think it is. Social Media, when done well, will get people in the door and face to face with a client. The face to face part is probably the "old fashioned" part and it is the area where the older folk are excelling. After all, for time immemorial, the older generation have been fostering, nurturing and growing face to face relationships.
The final outcome for me - I'll be making sure that I tweak my online presence in the coming months to get with the game. I see that it does have value and I'll be getting a younger person - like my nephew Shane - to really help me to get it right. It's another example of how the generations compliment one another with the skills that they have in a world that is quite diverse.
18 February 2011
Communication
Skills Canada recently hosted a one day workshop for high school students and I participated as a mentor. I was asked by one of the students what I thought was the most important skill that a trades person could have.
Often in our education at community colleges, the focus is on the hard skills and for good reason. It is essential that we have knowledge of the internal workings of a four stroke engine to use an example from my trade. In the classroom, knowledge gets passed to all students equally. But learning onsite is all about the relationship between people. Knowledge in the real world is passed from master to apprentice often under conditions that don't leave time for learning. Communication has the potential to greatly enhance that learning experience.
Good communicators ask for opportunities to learn. Good communicators can ask the right questions that can greatly enhance their ability to learn. Good communicators are often chosen for supervisory positions. One of the reasons is because they can articulate what is needed and direct others with clear communication. Good communicators are better advocates in the workplace and contribute to healthier work environments.
Communication is by far the skill that is most important to success in the trades.
Often in our education at community colleges, the focus is on the hard skills and for good reason. It is essential that we have knowledge of the internal workings of a four stroke engine to use an example from my trade. In the classroom, knowledge gets passed to all students equally. But learning onsite is all about the relationship between people. Knowledge in the real world is passed from master to apprentice often under conditions that don't leave time for learning. Communication has the potential to greatly enhance that learning experience.
Good communicators ask for opportunities to learn. Good communicators can ask the right questions that can greatly enhance their ability to learn. Good communicators are often chosen for supervisory positions. One of the reasons is because they can articulate what is needed and direct others with clear communication. Good communicators are better advocates in the workplace and contribute to healthier work environments.
Communication is by far the skill that is most important to success in the trades.
Going Forward
We were not all fortunate enough to grow up in families where our needs were always met – many of us grew up in environments that were not nurturing. Childhood trauma, poverty, bad parenting, alcoholism, abuse and neglect are just a few of the reasons why children grow up with a distorted view of the world. When a child can’t trust the primary caregiver, it leaves a lasting impression. Children are often torn between a desire to move forward and an obligation to protect the family secrets. Roles become reversed and the children become parents.
The story does not end there. The real tragedy is that sometimes the problems we inherit as children interfere with our success as adults. I have met a lot of adults who have not managed to put their past into perspective. Having experienced a substantial amount of trauma in my own life, I can certainly appreciate where they are coming from and what the challenges are.
There are others though who are taking back their lives, doing the work to understand the past and then making better choices for the future. I am delighted to meet other entrepreneurs who have put their past into perspective and then used their experiences from childhood to make the world a better place. As we chat together the one thing that we realize is that putting the past in perspective is essential to moving forward. The other thing that we agree upon is that we gained a lot of skill in those difficult places and we are using those skills in our businesses.
We acknowledge that it was not a battle that was easily won and there were certain steps that we followed. Accepting and acknowledging our past was key combined with a willingness to forgive and let go. We all speak about letting go of shame that was not our own. We then accepted that we were adults and as adults we have control over what happens to our lives from here on in.
A friend of mine imparted a wonderful piece of wisdom recently when she said. “When we made mistakes in the past – we were doing the best we could with the tools that we had. Now we have new tools and with those tools we are making better decisions.” I thought that this was a profound piece of advice – we can’t change where we came from but we can certainly control where it is that we are going.
Choose to be the best that you can be!!!
The story does not end there. The real tragedy is that sometimes the problems we inherit as children interfere with our success as adults. I have met a lot of adults who have not managed to put their past into perspective. Having experienced a substantial amount of trauma in my own life, I can certainly appreciate where they are coming from and what the challenges are.
There are others though who are taking back their lives, doing the work to understand the past and then making better choices for the future. I am delighted to meet other entrepreneurs who have put their past into perspective and then used their experiences from childhood to make the world a better place. As we chat together the one thing that we realize is that putting the past in perspective is essential to moving forward. The other thing that we agree upon is that we gained a lot of skill in those difficult places and we are using those skills in our businesses.
We acknowledge that it was not a battle that was easily won and there were certain steps that we followed. Accepting and acknowledging our past was key combined with a willingness to forgive and let go. We all speak about letting go of shame that was not our own. We then accepted that we were adults and as adults we have control over what happens to our lives from here on in.
A friend of mine imparted a wonderful piece of wisdom recently when she said. “When we made mistakes in the past – we were doing the best we could with the tools that we had. Now we have new tools and with those tools we are making better decisions.” I thought that this was a profound piece of advice – we can’t change where we came from but we can certainly control where it is that we are going.
Choose to be the best that you can be!!!
27 December 2010
29 November 2010
Perfectionism
Some people believe that in order to be a great leader, it is necessary to be perfect. The reality is that great leaders aren't perfect, they have probably fallen a time or two. In all likelihood, a great leader will have made mistakes along the way, learned from them and then extracted lessons to pass on to others.
I would much sooner follow a leader who has fallen and got back up than a leader that has never fallen. The reason is obviour; a leader who gets back up has to have learned valuable lessons in the low point of life and very obviously put those lessons to good use if he/she is now on the leadership track. They are probably able to go on and inspire others to overcome their own obstacles in life because they have been there. People in positions of authority who have never made mistakes seem a bit super human and face challenges gaining respect because of it.
In the military, there was a lot of respect for officers that had worked their way up through the ranks to become commissioned officers. The other route that was available was to get a university degree and then become an officer, never having been where the rubber hits the road. These officers had a much more difficult time gaining the respect of the troops because they were not considered to be tried and true and also because they were not "one of us". As soldiers we trusted those who had been where we were, understood the challenges and could offer sound advice based on experience. Those who had taken the other route to leadership had a more difficult challenge.
The lesson is this - it's not the mistakes that will hurt you, it is the failure to make them and learn from them that will do more harm.
I would much sooner follow a leader who has fallen and got back up than a leader that has never fallen. The reason is obviour; a leader who gets back up has to have learned valuable lessons in the low point of life and very obviously put those lessons to good use if he/she is now on the leadership track. They are probably able to go on and inspire others to overcome their own obstacles in life because they have been there. People in positions of authority who have never made mistakes seem a bit super human and face challenges gaining respect because of it.
In the military, there was a lot of respect for officers that had worked their way up through the ranks to become commissioned officers. The other route that was available was to get a university degree and then become an officer, never having been where the rubber hits the road. These officers had a much more difficult time gaining the respect of the troops because they were not considered to be tried and true and also because they were not "one of us". As soldiers we trusted those who had been where we were, understood the challenges and could offer sound advice based on experience. Those who had taken the other route to leadership had a more difficult challenge.
The lesson is this - it's not the mistakes that will hurt you, it is the failure to make them and learn from them that will do more harm.
17 November 2010
First Female Cement Finisher in Long Harbour
Brenda Lynch is a remarkable woman. She also happens to be my sister. She has been a cement finisher in Nova Scotia for 27 years. She co-owns a company with her husband where they have been working since the early 80's in Nova Scotia where they specialize in sidewalks, curbs and gutter. Brenda enjoys working outside with the men. She has been a member of the Brick Layers union in NL for a couple of years now and had her fingers crossed that she would get a call to do some union work.
When you work for yourself in a small company, it is not uncommon to have to do a wide variety of tasks including labour work. Union work is different because there are labourers and that means that the cement finishers are responsible for finishing cement and labourers do the heavier labour work. It's a real treat to work on this union job - the pay is not too shabby either.
Brenda is the only female cement finisher in the Bricklayers Union. She will, no doubt, be a mentor and role model for the many young women who are going to come behind her. I have no doubt that it will be a very rewarding experience. Her first day is Monday and I will keep you posted when I know more. It is so exciting to see women take the lead in industry - we're cheering for you Brenda.
When you work for yourself in a small company, it is not uncommon to have to do a wide variety of tasks including labour work. Union work is different because there are labourers and that means that the cement finishers are responsible for finishing cement and labourers do the heavier labour work. It's a real treat to work on this union job - the pay is not too shabby either.
Brenda is the only female cement finisher in the Bricklayers Union. She will, no doubt, be a mentor and role model for the many young women who are going to come behind her. I have no doubt that it will be a very rewarding experience. Her first day is Monday and I will keep you posted when I know more. It is so exciting to see women take the lead in industry - we're cheering for you Brenda.
29 October 2010
A Woman's Success and Strong Supervision
When I think back on my own career in trades, I am reminded of my favourite boss that I had when I was only 20. I had been in the trades about 3 years at the time that I started to work for him. He would have been considered an ally to women because he had a standard that he held himself to and he didn't put up with any bull... on the job. He set the tone for how the organization worked.
As often happens, there were times when things didn't go as planned and this guy tolerated no nonsense. He called people out on issues taht were below standard. He treated people fairly. His treatment of people made an impression on me and became the gold seal standard for what to look for in a boss. I had the good fortune to know his family personally and he was the same way no matter where he was - a gentleman to the core. He was principled and didn't back down from what he believed was fair.
I have witnessed this again recently as a female company owner I know went on the job and saw one of her employees verbally abusing a co-worker who was not able to advocate for himself. There was no time for diplomacy. The abuser's actions were having and impact on the rest of the workers. She walked up to him and loudly proclaimed that he had fallen below the standard and he didn't like being caught. He threw down his tool and walked off the job. The other (male) workers thanked her afterwards for her support. They enjoyed having a boss that was on their side.
We all want to go to work and do a good days work for a good days pay and maybe have a bit of fun doing it. That might happen more often if there were strong leaders onsite that had strong sanctions against unacceptable behaviour. I've been fortunate to not only have experienced it myself but watched a woman doing it well also. Women make great tradeswomen and they also make wonderful supervisors - it's natural I think to have those in her care get along with one another. Way to go sista...
As often happens, there were times when things didn't go as planned and this guy tolerated no nonsense. He called people out on issues taht were below standard. He treated people fairly. His treatment of people made an impression on me and became the gold seal standard for what to look for in a boss. I had the good fortune to know his family personally and he was the same way no matter where he was - a gentleman to the core. He was principled and didn't back down from what he believed was fair.
I have witnessed this again recently as a female company owner I know went on the job and saw one of her employees verbally abusing a co-worker who was not able to advocate for himself. There was no time for diplomacy. The abuser's actions were having and impact on the rest of the workers. She walked up to him and loudly proclaimed that he had fallen below the standard and he didn't like being caught. He threw down his tool and walked off the job. The other (male) workers thanked her afterwards for her support. They enjoyed having a boss that was on their side.
We all want to go to work and do a good days work for a good days pay and maybe have a bit of fun doing it. That might happen more often if there were strong leaders onsite that had strong sanctions against unacceptable behaviour. I've been fortunate to not only have experienced it myself but watched a woman doing it well also. Women make great tradeswomen and they also make wonderful supervisors - it's natural I think to have those in her care get along with one another. Way to go sista...
3 October 2010
You gotta know....
The Gambler - a song by Kenny Rogers has a line that says "You gotta know when to hold up, know when to fold up, know when to walk away, know when to run."
As I was listening to this recently I was thinking how this wisdom applied not only to gambling, but also to women as they work toward a successful career in the trades. There will be times when using good judgement will require that you "know when to walk away, know when to run".
Knowing when to speak up, Knowing when to let it go, Knowing when you're wasting precious energy are all skills that will serve you well.
If you want to break it down a little further you will notice that you're only knowing "when".....
When is it time to go to the supervisor with a complaint about a co-worker for example? I would have to say that there should have been an attempt to solve the problem on your own first. Developing the skill to advocate for oneself has many benefits. It sends a message that you're strong. You don't need to be rescued. Imagine if everytime someone at work did something you didn't like, you went to your boss and complained. You'd get a reputation after a while. Even as children we were encouraged to solve our own problems at some point. It's good business.
But...there's always a limit. If you're tangling with someone who gets a joy out of irritating you then it may be time to crank it up. Let me give you a concrete example. I was walking through a worksite one day when a man made a very sexist comment to me. I turned to him and quietly and politely told him that I was offended by his remark. He laughed and then when I walked by again - he once again repeated the remark, obviously delighted by my discomfort. I walked over and asked him once again, a little firmer, to please not say it again. But he blatantly laughed out loud and said it again loud enough for others to hear. I informed him that if he didn't stop, I would have to go see the supervisor. He chuckled as I walked away.
The next time I walked past him, he repeated the remark in front of 8 co-workers. I didn't speak to him. I went to my supervisor and lodged a formal complaint. He was reprimanded and forced to apologize to me.
That's the only time I've ever had that kind of response from a man. I find people in general are very reasonable but you have to learn that there will be times when you are out of your comfort zone and at those times you have to "know when to walk away, know when to run". Do you know?
As I was listening to this recently I was thinking how this wisdom applied not only to gambling, but also to women as they work toward a successful career in the trades. There will be times when using good judgement will require that you "know when to walk away, know when to run".
Knowing when to speak up, Knowing when to let it go, Knowing when you're wasting precious energy are all skills that will serve you well.
If you want to break it down a little further you will notice that you're only knowing "when".....
When is it time to go to the supervisor with a complaint about a co-worker for example? I would have to say that there should have been an attempt to solve the problem on your own first. Developing the skill to advocate for oneself has many benefits. It sends a message that you're strong. You don't need to be rescued. Imagine if everytime someone at work did something you didn't like, you went to your boss and complained. You'd get a reputation after a while. Even as children we were encouraged to solve our own problems at some point. It's good business.
But...there's always a limit. If you're tangling with someone who gets a joy out of irritating you then it may be time to crank it up. Let me give you a concrete example. I was walking through a worksite one day when a man made a very sexist comment to me. I turned to him and quietly and politely told him that I was offended by his remark. He laughed and then when I walked by again - he once again repeated the remark, obviously delighted by my discomfort. I walked over and asked him once again, a little firmer, to please not say it again. But he blatantly laughed out loud and said it again loud enough for others to hear. I informed him that if he didn't stop, I would have to go see the supervisor. He chuckled as I walked away.
The next time I walked past him, he repeated the remark in front of 8 co-workers. I didn't speak to him. I went to my supervisor and lodged a formal complaint. He was reprimanded and forced to apologize to me.
That's the only time I've ever had that kind of response from a man. I find people in general are very reasonable but you have to learn that there will be times when you are out of your comfort zone and at those times you have to "know when to walk away, know when to run". Do you know?
19 September 2010
Joy in Creating
People often enquire as to why a woman would choose a career in the trades. You have to admit that sometimes the work conditions are not great. Weather can make it tough for certain and there are other things that makes working in the trades uncomfortable. But there is something to be said about a job done well just for the sake of doing it.
I can recall a project that I undertook one time that took a lot of fine detail and concentration. I not only had to concentrate hard but I also had to be creative. I can recall getting things to fit together just right or times when I could overcome what looked like a challenging project. There is something to be said for that type of problem solving. Standing back and looking at a completed project that you contributed to minimizes all of the concerns about the weather. There are many reasons why choosing a career in trades can be rewarding.
I can recall a project that I undertook one time that took a lot of fine detail and concentration. I not only had to concentrate hard but I also had to be creative. I can recall getting things to fit together just right or times when I could overcome what looked like a challenging project. There is something to be said for that type of problem solving. Standing back and looking at a completed project that you contributed to minimizes all of the concerns about the weather. There are many reasons why choosing a career in trades can be rewarding.
9 September 2010
Dusting Yourself Off
Sometimes life is not kind. We will all have at least one life altering event in our lives. Well, maybe that is not so - we all know someone who manages to get by unscathed. But for the rest of us poor folks -the reality is....life is not always kind.
How do you move forward after a setback? Do you have a strategy for getting back up? In my experience, I've learned something from all the times that things have not gone as planned - there is room in life for change and things usually work out. Picture your worse case scenario - there is nothing that can be done about a tragedy once it happens. You can decide to let it go quickly and work on the "what now" part of your life.
Leaders are not people who do not fail - they are the people who can recover quickly and extract the lesson.
How do you move forward after a setback? Do you have a strategy for getting back up? In my experience, I've learned something from all the times that things have not gone as planned - there is room in life for change and things usually work out. Picture your worse case scenario - there is nothing that can be done about a tragedy once it happens. You can decide to let it go quickly and work on the "what now" part of your life.
Leaders are not people who do not fail - they are the people who can recover quickly and extract the lesson.
Picking Your Battles
There is nothing worse then being singled out at work for wisecracks or the brunt of jokes. This can be very cruel and intimidating behaviour.
There may be ways to prevent it or at least minimize it. First of all, I use the analogy of one hand clapping to demonstrate the role that is played by an enabler in some abusive situations.
Women need to learn to watch for the warning signs or red flags to this type of behaviour. Generally speaking, there is always an institutional bully lurking around for some vulnerable man or woman to make the next victim. If you are being singled out over and over, it might be worthwhile to learn to walk away from situations or to disengage in conversations that show signs of escalating. I'm not interested in victim blaming - but there are times when onlookers can see a trainwreck coming but choose not to speak. It's worth thinking about.
Forewarned is forearmed -
There may be ways to prevent it or at least minimize it. First of all, I use the analogy of one hand clapping to demonstrate the role that is played by an enabler in some abusive situations.
Women need to learn to watch for the warning signs or red flags to this type of behaviour. Generally speaking, there is always an institutional bully lurking around for some vulnerable man or woman to make the next victim. If you are being singled out over and over, it might be worthwhile to learn to walk away from situations or to disengage in conversations that show signs of escalating. I'm not interested in victim blaming - but there are times when onlookers can see a trainwreck coming but choose not to speak. It's worth thinking about.
Forewarned is forearmed -
30 August 2010
Socializing and Learning
I can recall what it was like growing up in a home where all of the men worked in the trades. They came home after a long day at work and slipped off their boots and the socks that were glued to their feet and ate the lovely meal that mama had prepared and got washed up. Men would wander by and they would chat about the new things that they had learned or saw that day at work. Sometimes they’d do a mock-up and practise a tough concept or go over it in their minds. It might also be the case that they ran over to a friend’s place to help him with something trade related. Imagine the benefit from a learning perspective that this type of downtime meant? A man wasn’t only exposed to trade related learning at work.
Contrast that with how a woman in trades might end her day. She comes home from work, peels off the socks that have glued themselves to her feet and the dog is bouncing around and the kids are starving and there are 5 loads of laundry to be done. She runs a cloth over her face, throws something in the oven, starts the washer and asks little Sarah if she has any homework. Little Sarah then tells her mother that she has to bring cupcakes in tomorrow for the bake sale and that she needs 2 sheets of Bristol board and it has to be black.
This difference has an impact on women’s learning. I was thinking about this the other day and it occurred to me that men had an advantage in trades over women because of course they get to talk about new projects, solve problems, cement new ideas in the brain – it’s part of the learning process.
Sitting around and leisurely discussing work is often not an option for women who have a double day. There may not be any time or opportunity for her to relive her day or think about a new technique.
What can be done about this? A woman must look at her reality and recognize that she is responsible for her own training and professional development. She must then create opportunities for learning.
One possible solution is to make a concerted effort to network – whether you use social networking or online help and chats. It is essential to have those conversations about your work. A second option is to develop relationships with other men onsite even though that will be tough. The key is to create opportunities for learning. It will benefit you in the long run.
Sometimes when a woman asks for help onsite, it is used as evidence that she is not suited for the job. Men, on the other hand have plenty of opportunities, both formal and informal, to acquire help with skills development and it is never mentioned.
Recognize this distinction - create opportunities of learning in spite of….
Contrast that with how a woman in trades might end her day. She comes home from work, peels off the socks that have glued themselves to her feet and the dog is bouncing around and the kids are starving and there are 5 loads of laundry to be done. She runs a cloth over her face, throws something in the oven, starts the washer and asks little Sarah if she has any homework. Little Sarah then tells her mother that she has to bring cupcakes in tomorrow for the bake sale and that she needs 2 sheets of Bristol board and it has to be black.
This difference has an impact on women’s learning. I was thinking about this the other day and it occurred to me that men had an advantage in trades over women because of course they get to talk about new projects, solve problems, cement new ideas in the brain – it’s part of the learning process.
Sitting around and leisurely discussing work is often not an option for women who have a double day. There may not be any time or opportunity for her to relive her day or think about a new technique.
What can be done about this? A woman must look at her reality and recognize that she is responsible for her own training and professional development. She must then create opportunities for learning.
One possible solution is to make a concerted effort to network – whether you use social networking or online help and chats. It is essential to have those conversations about your work. A second option is to develop relationships with other men onsite even though that will be tough. The key is to create opportunities for learning. It will benefit you in the long run.
Sometimes when a woman asks for help onsite, it is used as evidence that she is not suited for the job. Men, on the other hand have plenty of opportunities, both formal and informal, to acquire help with skills development and it is never mentioned.
Recognize this distinction - create opportunities of learning in spite of….
22 August 2010
Accountability Partners
If you have ever tried to change something about your life, you know that it is tough. It's possible to change but it is a challenge. This is the way that it usually plays out. You'll make up your mind that next time you're going to do things differently. Your logical voice can even articulate all the wonderful reasons why it is a good idea to change this particular thing. You'll have a plan of action supported by conviction and you know for certain that things are going to be different next time.
Then!!! You start to waiver. You hear another little voice saying, "Well it's not that bad." "Better a devil you know then one you don't know." and it goes on from there. Before you know it you're falling back into old patterns of behaviour. I know it to be true because I've been there and I've met others on the journey with the same story.
What I enjoy about awareness is that if we know this pattern, we can put a plan in place to deal with it. I have adopted the practise of working with an accountability partner when I want to change a behaviour. At one time I thought I'd team up with someone who needed to change in the same way that I did. But that didn't work because what happened is that not only would I talk myself out of my plan of action, my peer supporter would help me to justify not changing.
Now I've figured out that my accountability partner will have to be someone who is solidly situated where they are. I articulate what it is that I need from them with regards to checking in. We have a contract of sorts at the beginning to say that this is how much freedom I'm giving the other person to help me to change. It works extremely well and the key is that it has to be someone you trust.
When you start to hear your destructive voice telling you that things aren't that bad or that the status quo is OK, you know intuitively that this is not beneficial to think this way. At this point, you check in with your accountability partner and through chatting, you once again find the resolve to stay the course. When you give voice to your concerns, it has a very positive effect. It reminds you what you are now committed to and calls attention to the destructive voice.
I believe that with an accountability partner, our chances of succeeding in change are greatly increased. Change is still difficult, you still have to do all the work, but getting the help you need to stay on track speaks to commitment and courage. You can do it.
Then!!! You start to waiver. You hear another little voice saying, "Well it's not that bad." "Better a devil you know then one you don't know." and it goes on from there. Before you know it you're falling back into old patterns of behaviour. I know it to be true because I've been there and I've met others on the journey with the same story.
What I enjoy about awareness is that if we know this pattern, we can put a plan in place to deal with it. I have adopted the practise of working with an accountability partner when I want to change a behaviour. At one time I thought I'd team up with someone who needed to change in the same way that I did. But that didn't work because what happened is that not only would I talk myself out of my plan of action, my peer supporter would help me to justify not changing.
Now I've figured out that my accountability partner will have to be someone who is solidly situated where they are. I articulate what it is that I need from them with regards to checking in. We have a contract of sorts at the beginning to say that this is how much freedom I'm giving the other person to help me to change. It works extremely well and the key is that it has to be someone you trust.
When you start to hear your destructive voice telling you that things aren't that bad or that the status quo is OK, you know intuitively that this is not beneficial to think this way. At this point, you check in with your accountability partner and through chatting, you once again find the resolve to stay the course. When you give voice to your concerns, it has a very positive effect. It reminds you what you are now committed to and calls attention to the destructive voice.
I believe that with an accountability partner, our chances of succeeding in change are greatly increased. Change is still difficult, you still have to do all the work, but getting the help you need to stay on track speaks to commitment and courage. You can do it.
18 August 2010
Self Advocacy - Speaking for yourself
Self advocacy is the ability to ask for the things you need in life and the ability to protect and establish boundaries. There are many people who are unable to self-advocate for one reason or another and that is not so bad if you can ask someone else to advocate on your behalf. There are times when it is wiser to get someone to advocate on your behalf especially where the subject matter is complicated. Lawyers are advocates in this sense.
In our day to day dealings with people around us, we do not want to resort to asking for someone to speak for us if it can be avoided. It is much better, if possible , to learn to ask for what you need or speak up when an injustice is occurring.
It is never too late to learn how to speak up, we learn across the lifespan. A very good first step is to start small and build on success. In our day to day lives, it can be as simple as telling someone that what they are doing is offensive..
Let me give you a simple example in what can happen in the home. Our family are always eating snacks and when they are finished they leave their dishes all over the place. I found it disrespectful to have to go around and pick up the dishes after everyone had tucked in for the night. So I spoke up. I said that I felt unappreciated after making such a delicious snack. I asked if they might pick up their dishes and place them in the dishwasher when they were done. I was surprised with the result. I only have to remind them occasionally.
That's a simple example but think of the ramifications in other parts of your life if you can't even speak up with people that you love and who love you. You're sitting at a meeting at work one day and your supervisor is telling you what the new policy will be. You know that this policy won't work but you don't speak up because you don't want to be seen as a complainer. The new policy takes effect, your direct reports are miserable and they come to you and complain. What kind of a leader will you look like if you tell them that you saw this coming but didn't speak up. If you speak up on such occasions, it is quite possible that your idea will have merit - maybe the policy makers had not taken your point of view into consideration. The other positive outcome is that people see you as a person who has principles and doesn't shy away from a difficult conversation. It's a win/win.
Of course it is possible that your idea will be squashed or ignored but you will be better served having voiced it and having it on the record. People report that once they speak up in a small way, it becomes easier over time. Build on success, set small goals and then move to larger things. People who advocate for themselves are not thought of as complainers by the people that matter. Think about it.
In our day to day dealings with people around us, we do not want to resort to asking for someone to speak for us if it can be avoided. It is much better, if possible , to learn to ask for what you need or speak up when an injustice is occurring.
It is never too late to learn how to speak up, we learn across the lifespan. A very good first step is to start small and build on success. In our day to day lives, it can be as simple as telling someone that what they are doing is offensive..
Let me give you a simple example in what can happen in the home. Our family are always eating snacks and when they are finished they leave their dishes all over the place. I found it disrespectful to have to go around and pick up the dishes after everyone had tucked in for the night. So I spoke up. I said that I felt unappreciated after making such a delicious snack. I asked if they might pick up their dishes and place them in the dishwasher when they were done. I was surprised with the result. I only have to remind them occasionally.
That's a simple example but think of the ramifications in other parts of your life if you can't even speak up with people that you love and who love you. You're sitting at a meeting at work one day and your supervisor is telling you what the new policy will be. You know that this policy won't work but you don't speak up because you don't want to be seen as a complainer. The new policy takes effect, your direct reports are miserable and they come to you and complain. What kind of a leader will you look like if you tell them that you saw this coming but didn't speak up. If you speak up on such occasions, it is quite possible that your idea will have merit - maybe the policy makers had not taken your point of view into consideration. The other positive outcome is that people see you as a person who has principles and doesn't shy away from a difficult conversation. It's a win/win.
Of course it is possible that your idea will be squashed or ignored but you will be better served having voiced it and having it on the record. People report that once they speak up in a small way, it becomes easier over time. Build on success, set small goals and then move to larger things. People who advocate for themselves are not thought of as complainers by the people that matter. Think about it.
17 August 2010
Peer Support
Looking back at my own career as a woman in trades, I realize that I would have benefited from connecting with other women in the same situation. I often felt alone and misunderstood by my male colleagues. My only option was to connect with the office staff and they were not experiencing what I was and sometimes there was difficulty relating. Peer support is a wonderful resource and even if you don't have that option onsite, there are other ways of creating it.
Go outside your immediate workplace to create your own group of support. It will take some creativity and your assertiveness skills will be an asset. Contact other employers where you know there are women working in the non-traditional sector and ask them if they want to get together periodically for a gab session. It doesn't have to be formal, you can meet for a drink after work or get together for a meal on a weekend. The idea is to surround yourself with a group of like minded people who will serve as a support system. You have now created a group of go-to people who can immediately understand and appreciate your challenges.
The benefits of knowing you are not alone are amazing. When you have an issue you can share it and someone in the group may have suggestions for how they dealt with that same issue. You can share successes with people who can understand the unique challenges of the industry. It is a win-win for all.
Go outside your immediate workplace to create your own group of support. It will take some creativity and your assertiveness skills will be an asset. Contact other employers where you know there are women working in the non-traditional sector and ask them if they want to get together periodically for a gab session. It doesn't have to be formal, you can meet for a drink after work or get together for a meal on a weekend. The idea is to surround yourself with a group of like minded people who will serve as a support system. You have now created a group of go-to people who can immediately understand and appreciate your challenges.
The benefits of knowing you are not alone are amazing. When you have an issue you can share it and someone in the group may have suggestions for how they dealt with that same issue. You can share successes with people who can understand the unique challenges of the industry. It is a win-win for all.
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