I'm a recovering doormat. I spent a large part of my life avoiding conflict and keeping the peace. You can imagine how that impacted my business - a venture where tough conversations are the norm especially when there is wiggle room for negotiation in price. Not a good scene!!!
I like to say I'm a work in progress because the reality is that the tendency to be seen as nice still shows up on occasion and I have to stamp it out. It really is an ongoing battle.
In my classes, I talk about the internal workings that hold us back in business - being nice is one of those "driving with the handbrake on" moments.
Enabling behaviour - helping someone to take advantage and mistreat us. It is often a taboo phrase - let's not talk about it in case we blame the victim. Well, I needed to talk about it because I was the only one that could stop it.
In university, I encountered the term and it made me curious because it sounded so much like me. It intrigued me so much that I went looking for books on the topic.
Books like Melody Beattie's Codependent No More and Beverly Engel's Nice Girl Syndrome helped me to come to terms with the fact that
I WAS HELPING PEOPLE TO TREAT ME LIKE CRAP!!! YIKES!!!
Are you fired up yet? The mental toughness that it takes to be successful DEMANDS that we take a long hard look in the mirror and put our finger on the problem. It's not about letting anyone off the hook - there are jerks out there!! No objection here. It's about being honest with yourself.
Enable: to make able; give power, means, competence, or ability to authorize;
We enable when we don't speak up to someone who disrespects us. We enable when we overlook again and again. We enable when we can't find our voice.
Being nice means keeping the peace a lot of the time. To the extreme in most cases. We can't keep the peace and have a difficult conversation at the same time. The problem with being nice is that even the most professional tough conversation can feel pretty scary. Well, breaking that cycle is tough for nice people but in order to be successful, you've got to learn to be professional and to be fair including treating yourself with respect.
Respect is all about moving out of victim mindset and taking responsibility for your
part in helping others treat you with disrespect.
"Enabling" let's raise awareness about this topic and end it today.
Join us on Nov 23rd as we take a deep dive in how it impacts our biz.