An Open Letter To Spaniard's Bay

Dear Spaniard's Bay,

When I first read this article,

http://www.cbc.ca/beta/news/canada/newfoundland-labrador/porn-classroom-jeremy-hall-1.3413176


I was touched emotionally. It wasn't your pain I was feeling. It was my own pain. It was the emotions that were triggered by folks "circling a wagon" when they had no idea what was in the wagon. It was the emotion that comes when you hear people talk about a woman who "chuckled" when a different response may have been more appropriate.

The event has been triggering me all week. I had to write this note.

I've been in Brenda's shoes. It's a lonely place to be. I was a young woman who joined the army from rural NL, not far from where you are right now. I was full of idealistic expectation and appreciated the initiative that caused the army to come looking for me to diversify the force.

I had no idea about topics such as "threshold diversity" or "enabling behaviour" at that time. I just wanted to do this work and I wanted to have fun. I thought the fact that they "let me in the door" meant that I would be treated with respect.

Well it wasn't all fun. Not everyone was as excited to see me there as those recruiters were that day when they dangled the "non traditional woman" carrot. For the next 11 years, I faced many instances of discrimination and so have a lot of my sisters. I've also laughed when I could have cried and failed to speak out on occasion.

Fast forward 25 years and I enter a new arena where people like me aren't often found. Law School, the hallowed halls, where folks from my socio economic status seldom get an invitation let alone a legally blind single mom living on a disability pension.

I was once again excited to gain entrance in spite of, or because of being who I was. Again I found myself in a place that wasn't quite ready for me. There's this assumption at times that we're allowed into these places if we act a certain way. I was charged with Intellectual Dishonesty at Law School and that process was one that has had a lasting impact on me and those who know me.

We're always at risk when we are under represented in a dominant culture. We cannot educate ourselves in this stuff. I wouldn't even know about this had I not studied Women's Studies and Human Rights.

No one tells us how our own behaviours can be "enabling" at times. When answer the call, we are not always aware of what we do not know.  What I do know is this - the chances of us "under-represented minorities" harming the "dominant culture" as much as we stand to be harmed is slim to none. We're at risk when we are "the only one". Don't forget that in this case.

This stuff is called "systemic discrimination". You would be wise to keep your head and not act in haste. You would be wise when you see this set up - a lone woman facing a large body of men - to stand back and ask what else is at play here?

You have an opportunity here to take the high ground. You have a chance to open this up to the lens of diversity and inclusion. Call in people who know about this stuff and find a way to resolve the issue in a transparent manner.  You can't go back and undo what has been done but you can do better going forward. I like to say, when we know better we do better.

There's nothing as insidious as "unconscious bias" with the emphasis on the word "unconscious". There is so much we don't know about our behaviour. Now is a great time to learn - you don't need to reinvent the wheel.

If you want to redeem yourselves as a community, take the time to do this right for everyone's sake. Do it right for the little children who stood in support of the men at the rally and for the girls who may want to step into the non-traditional world. Do it right for the men who want a better world. Set the standard for zero tolerance for abuse and discrimination.

Creating a Supportive Community

“We are more than a gym. We are building community and I want that community to be inclusive. Whether you are an elite athlete or are new to fitness, you will always be welcome at Rocky Lake CrossFit.” Shane Lynch is my nephew and the owner of the new “box” in Bedford. We had a sit down to see if I would come in and chat with his members about what it takes to build and sustain a welcoming and inclusive community.

“Not everyone will want to be in an inclusive gym. It was part of my mission when I opened. The folks who aren’t into that kind of environment will move on and, as we spread the word about how welcoming we are to people no matter what their fitness level, we will attract more of those people.”

Hats off to Shane - a man with a big vision.

Who Gets the Love?

Sometimes discrimination in the workplace isn't as overt as mistreating you in a very open and obvious way. Sometimes, it’s a little more subtle. Sometimes it’s got to do with who gets the love.

We all mess up at times, wouldn't you agree? If you’re really part of the inner circle, you can mess up and people help you out. They circle the wagons, so to speak, and treat you like a human being. Understand one thing: we all make mistakes in life. If you’re part of the 'in group', you’ll be forgiven and move beyond those mistakes.

When you’re not quite an insider yet and you make a mistake, well that is a horse of a different colour. In closed cultures, the rules are a little different. You’re more likely to be thrown under the bus when you mess up. That, my friends, is a more subtle form of discrimination. I could care less what the policies are. Failing to act is painful and hurtful and downright wrong. Inclusion is when you provide the same treatment to Jane as you would for Joe. Know what I’m saying? No brainer.

So, in your workplace, who gets the love?