3 Tips for Remaining Focused During Change

You know it - mindset matters when we decide to make a change. Change is never easy. If it were, everyone would be doing it - right? So how do you remain focused before you  have seen any real evidence of success? Here are 3 tips that work for me: 

1. Limit your time with people who will allow you to have too many pity parties. Once you start down the poor me path, it's not long before it starts to cloud your judgement. All of a sudden you're back in a dark hole and can't even think of a way out.

2. Associate with like minded people.  It can get pretty lonely out there when you decide to make a shift in life. You're going to have tough times - you're going to face resistance. Find a new team to help cheer you on. Those closest to you may not be your best support system and that's a tough pill to swallow. But it's true. Find yourself some cheerleaders.

3. Practice mindfulness. There are so many ways to do that and you  have to find one that works for you. You're training your mind to work a new way - to believe before there is any evidence to support that belief takes faith. Mindfulness is key. 

Change takes focus and a strong mind  - these tips will help with that. 

Canada Votes 2015

The results are in and we have a strong majority. Personally, I have mixed emotions.

No doubt, it was time for a change of leadership. We achieved this result - the people have spoken.

I'm sad to see iconic figure Peter Stoffer leave The House - he has fought long and hard for our area and for veterans in particular. He has been with us since 1997. I've had many opportunities over the years to refer clients and to call upon him myself to resolve issues that were unjust. Peter has always responded with a personal call and a commitment to help resolve the issue. I  know that he leaves big shoes to fill.

I'm a fan of minority governments because they often offer an opportunity for dialogue - although that's not always the case. Mr. Trudeau has a strong majority and I for one can't wait to see what that will bring. If he follows in his father's footsteps, we may be entertained along the way.

We start a new chapter - one that I hope is filled with fairness and a return to the identity that we enjoy as Canadians. Canada, after all, has spoken.

Is Your Head in the Sand When it Comes to Finances?

In a course recently I asked everyone, "Are you meeting your targets?" I could tell by the reactions that they weren't. As a recovering ostrich, I knew full well where they were coming from. I never knew what my revenues were until tax time. I say 'knew' because I learned some time ago there is a positive relationship between tracking your numbers and profit.

We're in the final quarter of the year for sole proprietors. No sense looking back!! You cannot undo the past. Don't beat yourself up - leave that for the trolls. When we know better, we do better. We can, though, implement best practices moving forward.

Don't let June 15th (tax time) be the first time you have a look at your revenues. Here's my challenge to you: use these next 10 weeks wisely. Set aside some time and develop a mini-strategy to end the year. Start today to run your business like a business.

Not Always Easy to be Grateful

Thanksgiving - all over the internet today we will see one story after another about the wonderful lives that people have and the things that they are grateful for. It's good to be grateful.

It's easy to appreciate the new car that your parents gave you for your 18th birthday or the beautiful neighbours who always send you a plate of dinner when they are cooking a big meal - that gratitude is common sense gratitude but what about the tough gratitude?

How much time do you spend being grateful for either the tough things that show up in your life or for the things that you take for granted.

Set aside some time to honour the not so obvious things that you have to be grateful for. What about that tough and painful mistake that you made that resulted in you being totally humiliated? Not easy but there was benefit in that mistake that churned to the surface once you processed it. Can you remember a time when you envied another person because they had more than you did? There is benefit in humble living.

I look back on my life and think of all the skills I learned because not everything was handed to me on a platter. We didn't have everything we wanted or needed as children but we learned how to work hard and I'm grateful for that.

Although I complain about being forced to take the bus, I appreciate the people I have met on my travels who opened my eyes to the blessings I do enjoy. I'm grateful for that lesson.

Today - take a moment and reflect on the things that you take for granted and you will notice that you really do have so much more to be grateful for than you can name in one day.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Get Your Ass Around That Corner

We have all seen this pic - we only need to see the next turn in the road, right? That all sounds lovely on camera but the reality is, we are scared spitless to take that turn. Most of us spend far too long waiting for some poor guy to come back and tell us what is going to greet us when we get around that turn. 

The truth is, most folks are so afraid to make the turn that they justify it with "better a devil you know than one you don't".  I know this because for a long time that's what I would do.

What I've learned is that the status quo gets your nowhere. What's around the corner is exactly what you need to move forward. There may be any number of corners. I'd be more concerned that you're stuck looking at the same landscape all your life and missing the bigger picture called living. 

So get up there and get your ass around that turn. It's amazing. 

Cul-de-sac

Seth Godin describes a cul-de-sac, in his book The Dip, as a place where "you work and you work and you work and nothing much changes".  For me that was around 4 years ago. I went into business because I couldn't find work and was trying to figure out what I could teach. Recently divorced, I wrote a book on dating and held some workshops on meeting someone new.

My heart wasn't in it at all. It didn't go anywhere. There's no comparison between the passion I have for the work that I do now and how I felt back then. I was in a different space - a cul-de-sac. It was a waste of time and money - we can't undo it. Next time, walk away sooner - Thanks Seth for reminding me.

A Business About-face

Sylvia shows up one day and asks if I can do her husband's income taxes. After a bit of conversation, it became obvious why he wanted to give up his business and go back to work at his old job. Sylvia also disclosed that by the time she knew what was happening, she felt it was too late to turn the company around.

I like taking on these cases because on a good day, I not only handle the taxes and get the family on board with CRA, but I can help the client continue their journey as a business owner. I love being in business for myself, but it would be a nightmare with a financial dead weight hanging over me. Bad accounting habits by business owners along the way will get them into hot water. Incorporating a few skills and new processes into your daily practise can make every year an easier one.

I've learned from the school of hard knocks. My own personal bankruptcy gives me the right to claim the status 'Subject Matter Expert' about how not to do it. I feel an affinity for folks who have gone down that road and I love showing them how to get back on track with their finances.

Why did Sylvia’s husband end up in this predicament? There were a number of reasons for why the business fell into decline, including pricing the product too low in the good times, going after the 'fast' cash (such as doing jobs that generated income under the table), not keeping on top of the financial accounting aspect of the business, and not including the family in the business decisions from day one. All of these mistakes can be boiled down into one crucial element: not understanding cash flow within the business.

We have two programs rolling out that will help with this type of situation. The Buck Stops Here is all about taking control of personal finances and Business Boot Camp is filled with nuggets about the habits of successful business owners.

If your story is anything like Sylvia's, call me. It's never too late to put some processes in place that will help your business.

We Love Hard Work

It may be a long weekend but some of us are working anyhow. It's been an awesome week with everything falling into place at the office. We had our first coaching session there in the midst of a mess but it went well. I am really looking forward to Sep 22nd.

This week I've had some wonderful conversations with a group of people who have all had to become business people to make ends meet. The learning curve, the pain, the joy and the raw honesty and emotion was inspiring.

What owning a business does for people like us - folks who find great value in working hard is it gives us a purpose and a sense that we are contributing. I'm feeling so blessed these days. We all shamelessly admit that we love hard work. I come from a family of hard workers - it's in my jeans and my genes.

Morning Ritual - Start with the End in Mind

Do you have a morning ritual? Morning rituals get your day off to the right start.

After a meditation, I grab a coffee and a piece of art paper and some coloured markers. I imagine myself at the end of my day looking back over the day. In the centre of the paper, I write "It was a fantastic day.

I change colours often as I write what it is that made my day fantastic. Like tentacles on an octopus my paper becomes filled with things that I have accomplished today. Your list will look different than my list.Then I get up and I get 'er done. What kind of day will you have today?

Tool Talk

I love visiting women in trades to talk about what is trending in the industry. As non-traditional women, we have always needed an extra drawer in our toolboxes, not just to carry our unmentionables and lipstick, but what about the tools that you can’t see? We chatted about this with the Sisters in the Brotherhood at the Carpenters and Millrights College in Lower Sackville recently.

In an industry that is ripe with opportunities for conflict, the ability to communicate well is a staple. The better communicator will often be hired first. The better communicator can nip a potential disaster in the bud. If you’re at a loss as to how to start to develop this skill, check out your local Toastmasters Club. There is probably one in your area.

Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall

I remember the first time I was in a workshop and we were given a mirror and introduced to 'mirror work'. The old me, the one who was more of a black and white thinker, couldn’t help but wonder what this hocus pocus was all about.

At the time, the focus was on loving our body and we were asked to look into the mirror and repeat the phrase, “I love my body.” I cringed in the beginning, but over time I learned that our reality is created from our beliefs and this work was going to take me where I needed to be. I just needed to suspend my disbelief for a moment.

Nowhere do I see this same resistance in others as powerful as when I ask them to say, “I love making money.” It is almost as if I am asking them to say a dirty word.

I get responses like, “I don’t do what I do for the money,” and “My work is heart centred.” I recognize these phrases because 6 years ago I was in the same boat. I, too, was challenged to think differently and I, too, resisted. But that has all changed. Monetizing what we do doesn’t mean that we leave our heart at home. It just means that we have more balance in our lives.

Money allows us to do a tremendous amount of good in the world. We can feed our families and, for those of us who are the primary breadwinner, that matters. We can give to charities or set up scholarships at local learning institutes. Money makes many good things possible.

Grab a mirror, look into your eyes, and say, "I love making money." How do you feel?

Where will you go today?

 Many years ago I was introduced to the music of  the lovely Laura Smith, Nova Scotia talent. the lyrics of one song in particular has stuck with me and I often find myself humming the tune. "I go there, I go there to find stillness when the wind might blow me away." Of course the place that she was referring to was a place where she went in her mind not an actual physical location. 

I had a lovely discussion this morning with a very interesting person I am getting to know and we talked about how important it is that "we go there" when we want to create something new in our lives. It isn't just the logical choices that we need to make - get out there and sell a product, write a good report, etc., success also requires us to go places in our mind to pave the way for the journey.

What you think matters as much as what you do.

Where will you go today? "There's a place that I go, not for pleasure, not for show. I find comfort there."

The Middle Passage - Answering the Call

It was one of those months where people show up in your life because the encounter is supposed to happen. Some may say it's hocus pocus but I happen to believe that there is so much about life we do not understand.

As a woman who has questioned her sanity a time or two, heard the call for change, took the leap and got a toehold on the other side, I love looking back to holler at the sisters and brothers who are faced with what James Hollis refers to as the middle passage. Change can be so frightening but the reality is, it can also be rather fantastic.

Here's a few tips I learned on the journey and we've only just begun:

1. Letting go is key. This time of flux can make us question our own sanity. Part of the reason is because we love to be in control of our lives and change is all about letting go. But we have to freefall a bit to get to that new place. Let go!
2. You will make new friends. There are benefits and burdens associated with all change. Not everyone will support your decision to change or like the new you. You will make new friends and your old friends will have their own transition. The ones that are important will be with you in the new life. This change is natural. You're not supposed to hold on so tight that you can't grow. So let go!!
3. You will amaze yourself. You can do so much more than you ever imagined. We grow across our lifespans. Once you stop fearing change and actually embrace it as a necessary part of life, your life will be amazing again. So let go!!!

No matter what put you in this situation, know this - only you can take you to the next level.

Grateful for this? Really???

My friend Renee recently gave me a beautiful gratitude journal and I treasure that gift. Truth is, she was as excited about giving me the gift as I was about receiving it. Gratitude at times like this is a fairly easy practice.

But what about those times when life isn't going so great? Let's say your life is a mess at the moment? Can you feel gratitude when you're in the middle of a real crapstorm?

Your child tells you she hates you. You're on your way to sign bankruptcy  papers and you are going to be couch surfing because truth be told you can't afford to get your own place right now.

Gratitude is no warm and fussy matter. It is an essential ingredient to creating a better life even in the middle of all of the mess that we sometimes need to call living.

Here are a few tips that worked for me when the days were dim. Hope they work for you.

1. Suspend your disbelief. Sit with pen and paper and take a moment before writing to acknowledge that you are not feeling very grateful right now but you are going to suspend your disbelief for the duration of your writing.

2. Mine for gold. In the midst of my own turmoil,the cat making it too the litter box was often the only thing that I could find to write about.  If being grateful puts you in the right mindset, humour greases the wheels a little. Look around you, there are things going well in your world.

3. Keep at it. Don't give up the practice just because it appears that things are not going well. Like most new tasks, you get better by doing.


Don't give up before the miracle happens. I'm grateful for you.

Creating a Supportive Community

“We are more than a gym. We are building community and I want that community to be inclusive. Whether you are an elite athlete or are new to fitness, you will always be welcome at Rocky Lake CrossFit.” Shane Lynch is my nephew and the owner of the new “box” in Bedford. We had a sit down to see if I would come in and chat with his members about what it takes to build and sustain a welcoming and inclusive community.

“Not everyone will want to be in an inclusive gym. It was part of my mission when I opened. The folks who aren’t into that kind of environment will move on and, as we spread the word about how welcoming we are to people no matter what their fitness level, we will attract more of those people.”

Hats off to Shane - a man with a big vision.

First, Best or Different

I’m not a wine drinker but you can bet your bottom dollar I said yes to a chance to visit Luckett Vineyards. And what a fantastic experience it was. Pete Luckett knows business and I enjoyed having a brief chat with him, and watching him roll up his sleeves and get his hands in there. It was interesting because, from my experience with business folk, there are a few things that separate the successful people from those who are flash-in-a-pans. One of those things is a willingness to get your hands dirty. That’s not to say that when things are better, you don’t outsource some of the work. But a real willingness to be seen as human can go a long way to earning respect.

At one point, Pete stopped by our table with a smile on his face and a story to tell. I boldly asked for one piece of sage advice. “Are you ready?” he asked with a twinkle in his eye. Not one to be outdone in the charm department, I responded, “I am a Newfoundlander. I was born ready.”

“Be the first, be the best, or be different.” That’s it. The key to success. You heard it from the man.

In your Loudest Voice, Say "NO"

Do you ever look back on choices that you have made in the past and ask, “How did I end up here?” I know you may not want to hear it, but the truth is that we end up in places where we don’t want to be because we made choices.

Do you look back sometimes and think that if you had to do it again, you would run? Maybe ditched him at the altar, said “Not a chance” and hightailed it out of Dodge. Sometimes when we are so far along a road, we struggle to say no - even when we know we should. What will others think? How will I explain my change of heart?

Here’s what I think: say no when you know that you ought to say no. I did that this week when I made a decision to walk away from a lease negotiation that really wasn’t working in my favour. When I first thought, “I can’t say yes to this,” I got the 'cringe'. Oh no, what will everyone think? What will the other party think? But then a newer, stronger voice boomed inside my head, “What is in Debbie’s best interest?” And I walked away from the negotiation. It was in my best interest to do so.

What a relief. Out a few bucks, no big deal. It could have been a lot worse to make a decision that wasn’t working for me. I wish I had the same amount of courage back in the day. What are you saying yes to when a no would be the best response?

Grateful for This? Really?

Has anyone ever said that one day you will look back on this and be grateful? I’ve been there. No matter how true it might be, there is nothing worse than hearing those words when we are in the middle of turmoil.

As the movers loaded the last box onto the truck when I was moving from a house that I had hung onto far too long, the last thing I was thinking about was how grateful I would be for this lesson. After all, the real issue was that I couldn’t afford to live in this home, but I hated change more. I should have sold it earlier, but the reality was that I didn’t. And then I was forced to sell quickly because the gig was up with Peter and Paul. Most of us have been there and those who won’t admit it are likely in denial.

Gratitude is definitely part of a healthy creative process. Keeping a Gratitude Journal has become a staple in my life. In the early days it was almost painful to take the journal out. Sure I was grateful that we had running water and that the cat made it to the litter box. But I would give up running water just to drive a car again, and turn in the litter box for a chance to make a decent living.

In spite of the process, I stuck to it because my wise friend who is an expert in this area told me it was necessary. The more I dug deep to find things to be grateful for, the more blessings I uncovered. I have so much to be grateful for. I still miss the losses, but I’ve changed focus – the big things have lost their power over me. There is joy in my life.

No matter where you are today, take a moment, sit and write one page about what you are grateful for. Do it for 30 days and watch how it impacts your life in a good way.

Women Lead

Did you ever find yourself in a position at work where you're working for a great boss who really appreciates your work ethic and generally treats you well. Do you sometimes feed him nuggets of information that make him a better leader? Do you silently lead but never get the credit? If any of this sounds familiar - maybe it's time for you to get out there and take on a leadership role.

Think about it, you're doing it anyway without any of the risk. Women make awesome leaders but for some reason, we often struggle with that internal urge to put ourselves out there.Maybe it's time in every organization for women to step out and take on those roles. 

Who Gets the Love?

Sometimes discrimination in the workplace isn't as overt as mistreating you in a very open and obvious way. Sometimes, it’s a little more subtle. Sometimes it’s got to do with who gets the love.

We all mess up at times, wouldn't you agree? If you’re really part of the inner circle, you can mess up and people help you out. They circle the wagons, so to speak, and treat you like a human being. Understand one thing: we all make mistakes in life. If you’re part of the 'in group', you’ll be forgiven and move beyond those mistakes.

When you’re not quite an insider yet and you make a mistake, well that is a horse of a different colour. In closed cultures, the rules are a little different. You’re more likely to be thrown under the bus when you mess up. That, my friends, is a more subtle form of discrimination. I could care less what the policies are. Failing to act is painful and hurtful and downright wrong. Inclusion is when you provide the same treatment to Jane as you would for Joe. Know what I’m saying? No brainer.

So, in your workplace, who gets the love?