Is shame holding you back?

The vantage point changes with time. I would call 2006 a traumatic year. It was the year I was charged with Intellectual Dishonesty at Law School, the year I lost my voice and couldn't self advocate and it was the year I asked myself the big question "Who am I?"

When I would recall that event over the next few years I would cringe. A mixture of shame and disappointment in the early days were quickly replaced with something of value. The disaster became the springboard for a new direction in life.

Shame was replaced with understanding what came before, the role of various actors and my own inability to process a disability that I had not come to terms with.

We can get stuck in these places. If a past event is nipping you in the rear, here's what worked for me.

1. Share your story with someone who will help you to process. It can be a coach or a counsellor. Believe me, processing helps to put past disappointments into perspective.

2. Surround yourself with imperfect people - they will love you in spite of.

3. Forgive yourself, the others involved. Find a way to make that happen - grudges hold you back.

Live the life you're given without regret.

When starting over after losing a job, the right mindset and a willingness to try new things will serve you well.

All I knew when I set out to find a job was that I needed to make money to feed the family - after all, I was the only bread winner. A burning desire will take you a long way but you have to be willing to be open to the possibility that the journey may be a little bit of a winding road.  

There wasn't much call for legally blind mechanics who were trained to tie steel but I had a hunger to make a living and I think that is what benefited me most. My goal was not too narrowly defined that it restricted me in any way.

I come from a long line of very hard working people. Truth is we're not much for sitting around being idle. When I started looking for work my resume looked a little skewed. I thought about adding the extra skills that I possessed such as being able to split wood or install vinyl siding but it didn't make much sense. After all, crafting the resume to fit the job description that you're applying for is a good practice. There's also the need to be open minded and to be willing to try new things. Don't limit your search too much. 

It is quite common to try and find work doing what you have always done. But when you take a long hard look at the job market, you may want to branch out a bit. I tried to stay close to my industry in the beginning. After leaving the army, I trained to tie steel for the Hibernia project. But the reality was, my vision didn't make for a safe environment. I wasn't afraid to try new things or consider living in a new location!!

You're never too old to learn. Unless of course you tell yourself that you are. I recently ran into a displaced worker who was 53 years old. He told me "No one will want to hire me." Well you best watch what you say because it might come true. After all what you believe to be true often becomes your reality. 

Contrast that attitude with the 62 year old recently laid off fish plant worker I met at university who was now studying Theology. This was a guy who was open to change and not into limiting his options. The choice is yours. 

We're all shaped by our environments. Let's  not limit ourselves by our environmental conditioning. If you grew up in a home with a piano and I didn't, chances are that you may have some skill and an appreciation for the piano. Doesn't mean that I won't be able to learn to play - I just haven't tried yet. It's the same no matter how old you are. If you're willing to keep an open mind and try new things, you may be pleased with where you end up. Had someone told me ten years ago that I would one day own a training facility and a tax business, I would have told them they were nuts.

That wasn't part of my dream. 

Or was it? I did have was a burning desire to have meaningful work where I could provide for me and the family and feel like I was contributing to the world. Lo and behold, that's just what I ended up with. It just looks a little different than what I thought it would look like in the beginning. 

What's it going to be for you? The possibilities are limitless - dare you dream a bigger dream?

The Internal Stuff They Don't Tell You: What Entrepreneurs Need to Know if They Want to Succeed

No one tells you that in the early days you feel like an imposter. This is especially true if you have always been an employee. There is a huge difference between the mindset of an employee and the mindset of the business owner. That mind shift must take place in order to be successful and it takes place gradually. When it does, the evidence is apparent immediately.

Why then do so many people who teach business transition programs focus solely on the external attributes. Yes you need a great plan and you need to work that plan. No one appreciates more than a tax specialist how important it is that your financials are in order and marketing - well it is the lifeblood of your business.

But the right mindset is the special sauce that makes it all work. Ask anyone who has made a living in this tough arena - when you make the "big shift" things start to happen.

2 Pieces of Advice From the Sages

The tax business is not a numbers business as much as it is a people business. During the season I get a chance to speak with a lot of folks and share many personal stories. I asked some of the more successful business folks what tips they could offer that were not of a business nature.  This is what they shared. (Names have been changed to protect identities and stories shared with permission.)

#1 Self Care is Key

"I didn't start taking care of myself until after I had my first heart attack." Grant says. "What a wake up call. The only thing I had in life was work."

Take time out of your busy schedule for self care. Self care means different things to different people. For some, it may mean a little pampering and primping built into a busy schedule or working out at the gym. 

For others it may be a night out on the town. 

For me it means time away from technology with a combination of pampering, nature and lots of laughs. Whatever it means for you, there is consensus that it matters more than you may think. Self care renews initiative and gives you that much needed break from business that is just what the doctor ordered. 

#2 Remember the People Who Matter

Harvey tearfully told me that his one regret was that he wasn't available when his children were small. "You don't get those days back." 

I've heard this before. You never regret not getting that big deal as much as you regret not being there when your son or daughter scored that goal. 

Carve out time for the people who matter most. Make them a priority early on. 

I love learning from the folks in my life who generously share their lessons. I will take these two suggestions to heart. 

Seriously Consider Entrepreneurship When You Lose Your Big Job in Oil

Man, when I lost my full time secure job in the early nineties, I was pissed. With the benefit of hindsight, I realize I searched for way too long in a market where there was a saturation of people just like me. 

Let's face it, I was doing the best I could - I didn't know what I didn't know. Know what I mean?

Even if you, like me, have never given entrepreneurship one single  consideration, don't rule it out as an option. You may be surprised at how lucrative that option really is. 

When no one out there will hire you, hire yourself. There is a market and with a little creativity you can access that market. 

Don't waste all of your energy bitchn' about the poor economy, become an #econosavvy chameleon-

like entrepreneur. 

3 Tips for Successfully Taking a Big Bold Step

A little bird sits in a tree and you wonder how it can be so calm. Even though the bird is tiny, the branch seems hardly big enough to support it. If you look closely you may even see the strain on the branch caused by the birds weight. But the bird does not look stressed. The bird knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that it can trust itself to do what needs to be done in a "worse case" scenario. It isn't the limb that it has faith in - she has faith in her own ability.

Deciding to raise a child on my own and plunge into uncertainty was a giant leap for me. I didn't have the financial means or resources to do it but it needed to be done. What I did have is faith - in a higher power and in myself. 

I meet many people who are disgruntled with life and yearn to take a big step. The unknown  is fearful. I get why people wait until they "must" before taking that step. But waiting until you "must" often takes a toll on internal resources. Not having the external resources to make a shift is bad enough but when you start to deteriorate the internal resources, you may be creating a deficit. It's hard to hit the road running in a deficit situation.

I'd offer these three pieces of advice for anyone thinking of making major change in their lives:

1. Learn from others. We have learned valuable lessons along the way that we will gladly share with others. Don't reinvent the wheel each time you do something.

2. Get your fear under control. Fear of being homeless is one of the biggest fears that people face - next to public speaking. When you drill it down, the fear has no real basis. The journey from where you are to being homeless is a long way off. Likely you are the type of person that will also do what it takes to ensure that doesn't happen. People who take bold action are made of pretty impressive stuff.

3. Prepare. Get ready for the big move. For example, if you're stuck in a place that you don't want to be in and income is a concern, don't overextend yourself so that you're depending on that income. That's self sabotage. Think about it. 

An extra nugget is this - there's nothing as sweet as steering your own ship.

Community Training - Well Suited to this Day and Age

They say that if you want to live a happy life, find something that you love to do and turn it into a business. The caveat of course is that you have to be real good at what you do. Half ass won't cut it as a business because people are very choosy about what they purchase - they want quality.

I have been a teacher and an advocate since I was knee high to a grasshopper or big enough to put the sheep in at night. I've always had a heart for anyone who wasn't able to advocate for themselves. More than once, I've been called upon to straighten something out.

"Can you call so and so....?"  or "That don't seem right to me..."

That's how the conversation would begin. And next thing you know I'd be on the phone trying to get it straightened out.

When it was suggested that I go into business, I had absolutely no idea what I would possibly sell. Most of the favours I did for people weren't ones I charged for. They were examples of me using my gifting for a good cause. After all, we couldn't have some big corporation taking advantage of a little guy.

I love to teach. When I was a mechanic, I enjoyed learning new things and sharing those with others. As a rebar apprentice I would learn how to tie steel in the daytime and share what I learned with other local folk. After all we all wanted to get hired on with the Hibernia Project to make a few big bucks
.
I always thought that people could learn all kinds of stuff if teachers could learn to put the information into understandable chunks. The same held true whether I was changing the oil on a bus or tutoring at Law School. When someone wanted to give up in exasperation because they "couldn't do it", I'd reframe it in terms that they could digest and next thing you know, that "aha moment" would happen for them.

The highest praise came from a young tradesman who said "Debbie,  you don't make us feel stupid." I never did get that because I couldn't imagine a teacher worth their salt ever making anyone look stupid. I've always felt that if a student wasn't learning, I was somehow not delivering the information correctly.

I decided to open PeopleCan Training because I could see that there were courses that the community could use. I have lived in a lot of places and I found that there was a gap in the community when it came to programs that I would have wanted to learn along the way. I would offer some of those.

So many business folk I speak with tell me that they had no idea what they were getting into when they began and I get it now. I'm almost at the half year mark and the scope of what I have undertaken is just becoming clear to me. It was quite an undertaking.

I don't regret it yet. I haven't quite got the marketing mix down. I've rolled out programs that worked and others that didn't - it's been a real trial and error. But each day someone comes in with a problem and I can feel my heart leap - I'm doing what I love one day at a time. PeopleCan is morphing into something valuable and I'm changing right along with it.

We live in a strange economy - people need to become more self sufficient - we have so much untapped potential. I want to facilitate the kind of growth in people and in the community. I want to help people say "I did it. I really did."

I love what I do and often I feel like pinching  myself and wonder how I once again ended up in a pretty amazing space.

Play and Have Fun in the Middle of a Crapstorm

Creativity requires us to be positive and to create some pretty awesome and optimistic energy.  I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that but it isn't easy to remain positive when everything around you is going to crap. Have you ever had one of those 3 year runs of bad luck? It's around then that you start to think that the law of attraction has a flaw? N'est-ce pas? Well - if what you're doing is not working so well why not try something different?

Here are my top 3 tips for remaining focused especially when you're in the eye of a crapstorm. 

1. Avoid negativity. That includes the people who can get you into full on gossip mode. When things go wrong you're vulnerable to all kinds of trolls. Have you heard of "a shoe in the door" as a psychological concept? In sales it refers to selling something small and then up selling something larger. But in negative thinking, it works like this. You complain a little bit today. After all it makes you feel good to be part of the group. Next thing you know your house is the meeting place for every naysayer around. Don't start - you need those creative juices cloaked in positivity. There's no benefit in negativity even if it does make you feel good for a minute. 

2. Seek out 10 people that you know who are resourceful Ask them to give you half hour of their time. Tell them what your problem is and ask if they have some suggestions for how you might tackle it. Sometimes in the middle of a crap storm we get a little emotional. We may not think straight. Likely, these folks can help you to remain objective and see light where you may not. 

3. Play. Yes, you heard it here first. Get away from all the worry and grief and put yourself out there. Seek out an organization that needs volunteers and get involved. It will not only increase your network but it has other benefits. It gets your mind off your troubles which frees up space for the universe to deliver solutions. It increases your network of peeps which is always good and you will have fun and when you have fun you feel good. Feeling good is what is needed right now.

Your problems will still be there when you get back - let them go for a minute. 

Entrepreneurship and Mental Health: 3 Strategies That Work for Me

Owning a business can be quite demanding - most of you know this. It also has many rewards - most of us know this. Let alone the challenges of maintaining the revenues - some of us have an added layer. We have compromised mental health.

Anxiety and Depression are part of the mix for me and they don't hinge on having a good life. Sometimes when I hear people say "I don't know what she is depressed about, she just came back from the Caribbean." a little voice inside me acknowledges "There's room for education here." That's a sure sign that people don't get it. Right? But you get it because you get it....

3 Strategies That Work for Me

Flex Time - My hours in my business vary and I have created a culture that isn't tied to any kind of 9 - 5 traditional workplace. I have control over that and when I don't anymore, it's time for me to move on.

An Awesome Tribe - The people in my corner uplift and support me and give me what I need. I love imperfect people who are comfortable in their own skin.

Self Acceptance - I own who I am and love myself with all my quirks and foibles. That means I am open to talk about mental health issues. After all, it's as much a part of me as my Newfoundland accent - not going anywhere fast.

Be well and if you can't be well - be kind to yourself.

I Have a Secret

It's tax time and that can be a very frustrating time of year for some people. I was all set to write about taxes this month, perhaps a hot button topic, like the changes taking place this year, or the Disability Tax Credit Certificate and how you qualify or how it can benefit the whole family. If you want to know more about a tax topic, please send me a note. I'd rather talk about something else.

I love the Law of Attraction. I never get tired of learning about how people are making it work for them. Whenever I get a chance to talk with someone on the topic, I'm right there soaking it all up.

One point in particular that resonates with me is this: prior to learning about the Law of Attraction, I had taken a ton of training on goal setting the SMART way. We always focused on the mechanics of achieving a goal but spent very little time on learning how to dream. In my opinion, dreaming is the secret to success.

It takes discipline to become an efficient dreamer. Efficient dreamers achieve goals. I love dreaming big dreams.

I know what you're thinking... "If I'm not a dreamer by nature, how do I start dreaming at 62?" Well, there's a trick to it and I teach that trick in my Goal Setting with a Twist. Email me for details.

Here's a little nugget. When I wanted to buy a house, I spent a lot of time watching programs about renovations. I attended home shows and chatted with people who had purchased homes. I had conversations with lenders long before I was ready to borrow. You see, I knew where I was going because I had a laser sharp focus on it. I had dreamed about owning that home. Then, when I purchased that house, well, I wasn't surprised. I was already there in my mind.

I know, you're going to ask me, "What happens when you try to dream but those little voices pop up to tell you that it ain’t gonna happen." Well, you'll have to wait for next month to find out more.

Enjoy your month and, even though I am not talking about taxes, don't put it off until the last minute.

Don't limit your dreams by focusing on money!!!

There's a mistake that people make when they dream. They start out with a big dream and somewhere along the way, they look at their financial resources and decide that they don't have enough cash to make that dream a reality so they quit dreaming. 

Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!

The secret is to create enough energy and excitement around the dream that the resources to make the dream a reality show up. 

Don't believe me? Try it on a small scale and watch what happens. Of course, you may be freaked out by the places where the resources come from - places you could never have imagined. 

Don't limit your dreams by focusing on the wrong things. 

Keep Your Money in Your Pocket

Well, hello February!! January zipped by in a hurry and for some folks that was a good thing.

We’re sticking with the money theme this month because it seems to be the focus here lately. Strategic Planning for Business and Women, Money and Mindset were two programs we rolled out in January and we’re heading into tax season. Money is in the air.

Here at PeopleCan we’re all about keeping your hard earned money in your pocket.

If I ask you to raise your hand and holler, "I love making money!" how many of you have a little voice that encourages you to resist saying and owning that statement?

Here’s a few questions to ask yourself.

Have you ever lent money to someone and then cringed at the thought of asking for YOUR money back? If you send an invoice out and you’re waiting to be paid, do you struggle with how to bring up the subject? Can you call the Credit Card company and ask for a lower rate? Or, have you ever done what I used to do when my daughter would bring home a box of chocolate bars for her volleyball fundraiser? I’d purchase (and eat) the whole box just so I didn’t have to *sell* anything.

Yes, folks, you heard it here first. I had a terrible money mindset which I came by honestly. I hear it came from my grandmother.

My father has often said, "We never had anything when we were growing up because mama gave it all away. The old man would get so mad when she had no money for groceries because she spent all of her money giving to charity."

Giving is a good thing but there’s that line that can be crossed - that place where you’re giving beyond your means.

I bring this up because one of the things a lot of us have done is give during the holidays because optics mattered more than reality. We purchased gifts we couldn’t afford and we borrowed from Peter to pay Paul.

"What got you here really won’t get you there."

If any of your focus on change centres around money, here’s the advice I’d give. Go slow, take it easy on yourself, and try to understand why you enjoy making money. There’s nothing bad about money but we may or may not believe that.

An Open Letter To Spaniard's Bay

Dear Spaniard's Bay,

When I first read this article,

http://www.cbc.ca/beta/news/canada/newfoundland-labrador/porn-classroom-jeremy-hall-1.3413176


I was touched emotionally. It wasn't your pain I was feeling. It was my own pain. It was the emotions that were triggered by folks "circling a wagon" when they had no idea what was in the wagon. It was the emotion that comes when you hear people talk about a woman who "chuckled" when a different response may have been more appropriate.

The event has been triggering me all week. I had to write this note.

I've been in Brenda's shoes. It's a lonely place to be. I was a young woman who joined the army from rural NL, not far from where you are right now. I was full of idealistic expectation and appreciated the initiative that caused the army to come looking for me to diversify the force.

I had no idea about topics such as "threshold diversity" or "enabling behaviour" at that time. I just wanted to do this work and I wanted to have fun. I thought the fact that they "let me in the door" meant that I would be treated with respect.

Well it wasn't all fun. Not everyone was as excited to see me there as those recruiters were that day when they dangled the "non traditional woman" carrot. For the next 11 years, I faced many instances of discrimination and so have a lot of my sisters. I've also laughed when I could have cried and failed to speak out on occasion.

Fast forward 25 years and I enter a new arena where people like me aren't often found. Law School, the hallowed halls, where folks from my socio economic status seldom get an invitation let alone a legally blind single mom living on a disability pension.

I was once again excited to gain entrance in spite of, or because of being who I was. Again I found myself in a place that wasn't quite ready for me. There's this assumption at times that we're allowed into these places if we act a certain way. I was charged with Intellectual Dishonesty at Law School and that process was one that has had a lasting impact on me and those who know me.

We're always at risk when we are under represented in a dominant culture. We cannot educate ourselves in this stuff. I wouldn't even know about this had I not studied Women's Studies and Human Rights.

No one tells us how our own behaviours can be "enabling" at times. When answer the call, we are not always aware of what we do not know.  What I do know is this - the chances of us "under-represented minorities" harming the "dominant culture" as much as we stand to be harmed is slim to none. We're at risk when we are "the only one". Don't forget that in this case.

This stuff is called "systemic discrimination". You would be wise to keep your head and not act in haste. You would be wise when you see this set up - a lone woman facing a large body of men - to stand back and ask what else is at play here?

You have an opportunity here to take the high ground. You have a chance to open this up to the lens of diversity and inclusion. Call in people who know about this stuff and find a way to resolve the issue in a transparent manner.  You can't go back and undo what has been done but you can do better going forward. I like to say, when we know better we do better.

There's nothing as insidious as "unconscious bias" with the emphasis on the word "unconscious". There is so much we don't know about our behaviour. Now is a great time to learn - you don't need to reinvent the wheel.

If you want to redeem yourselves as a community, take the time to do this right for everyone's sake. Do it right for the little children who stood in support of the men at the rally and for the girls who may want to step into the non-traditional world. Do it right for the men who want a better world. Set the standard for zero tolerance for abuse and discrimination.

3 Tips to Achieve your 2016 Goals

I love new beginnings. There's something about putting away the old and planning for what lies ahead that really gets me fired up.

Speaking of planning for success in 2016, have you made a plan yet? We have been spending a lot of time mapping out our year ahead. In my business, planning is key to keeping me on track.

Aside from the basics of looking at the products and services, getting intimate with the money matters, and taking a hard look at the marketing mix, we also look at the little things.

Here are my three tips for getting your plan done:

1. Take time to reflect upon last year. Use what you learned last year to guide you in what you'll plan for in 2016. What can you learn from this journey? What did you do well? What do you need to stop doing? What is draining on your revenue but not producing the results you need? Where did you waste time and valuable resources?
2. If it's not written, it's not real. I'm a firm believer in writing it down and I like to do it in a small group if possible. I actually sit with folks outside my industry. They help me to get a new perspective. But whatever approach you take, ensure that you get your plan on paper.
3. Know yourself well. All too often we see people selling programs that will "take you to 6 figures" with a one size fits all template. I'm all about the big dream but I also believe an ounce of common sense goes a long way. It takes a lot of internal discipline - and ability to execute - to make big dreams come true. Make a plan that sits well with you. One that means you have the final say on what your plan entails.

Make 2016 the best year ever.

In the company of dreamers?????

How big do you dream? Do you limit your dreams because folks around you would think you were nuts if you were to tell them what you have in mind for the future? 

I'm blessed in that most of the folks I know now fall into that category of dreamer - the ones that are going for the gold so to speak. When we sit together, someone usually says "Imagine if so and so were a fly on the wall?" This of course in reference to the folks who tried to limit our dreams at some point. 

I love people who have the courage to dream big dreams. They usually take steps to get to those dreams and even when they have set backs, they end up in pretty impressive places. The first thing they usually get rid of is the tendency to care what other people think. Not the people who matter, but those people in your corner whose opinion will hold you back. 

I'm intrigued by their courage, inspired by their generosity and encouraged by their support. If you have a dream that would scare most people - watch out for the company you keep.  

3 Reasons to Let a Professional Prepare Your Income Tax Return

1. Grey Areas

You've been doing taxes forever and you're pretty good at it. Actually, you're darn good. You not only do your own but you also do 17 other people's return. But this year things have changed. Up until now, you've only had T4 income, a few investments, baby sitting and medical expenses. Now you have a kid at college, the spouse is retired and your mother is in a nursing home. Are you familiar with the grey areas around who can claim what? Did you know that you can claim those medical expenses for your child's braces and get back a bigger chunk if they are a full time student? What are the deductions that you are entitled to when you have an ageing parent who needs your help? Income splitting is a great option - can you split your CPP also?

2. Change of Marital Status in the Year

You separated from your spouse this past year and you have more than one child. Where does the child live? Was your spouse a low income spouse? Can you still claim her now that you are separated? Can you claim one of the children as your eligible dependent if she claims one also? There are options in the year of marital change. Do you know what they are?

3. You've Started a Home Based Business

You have turned your love of a product into a little sideline. When do you need to declare that money you earn as "business income"? Is it from day one? How much of your home expenses can you write off? Can you write off any? What about meals that you purchase while prospecting? Does the 50% limit apply on the meals you purchase when you attend a conference out of province? What are some ways that you can reduce your tax payable by including your family in the business?

Let a professional help you if any of the situations above apply to you. You will be glad you did. 

Entrepreneurs: Give your Family some #HolidayLove

They met in high school and got married after they graduated from university. Their first child was born the following year. Amanda decided to stay home and Cyril got a full time job making very good money.

Four years into their marriage, Cyril lost his job. After an exhaustive job search, they agreed that going into business was probably a good idea. Moving out of the province didn't appeal to them. They love the lifestyle here at home.

Cyril quickly learned that an entrepreneur's life has its highs and lows. When things are good, they're great, and then there are the dry spells. This year has been a tough one. Tough business years make it more important that he spend time away from home out networking. He has 7 Christmas events in December alone. He generally enjoys them, but he feels guilty spending time away from the family. Amanda sees all the posts on Facebook where he's really enjoying himself.

While Cyril looks forward to the peace that a holiday break will bring, Amanda has the 'Friday night blues'. She's looking forward to spending time visiting friends and family, and socialising with her husband.

See the challenge?

Meet Harold. After 30+ years in business, Harold has seen it all. The lifestyle has taken a toll on Harold - single now, he accepts responsibility for that. Recently he shared this nugget of wisdom. "Make family and friends a priority when you can. Don't spend so much time creating a life that you forget to live it."

Take time during the holidays to appreciate the folks who have your back. They make sacrifices, too.

During the holiday season, enjoy the peace, fun and love of family and friends. Wishing you much prosperity in 2016.

3 Ways to Resist Overspending

Holy cow!!! That is the expression that folks have when they first start making the big bucks. Right on the heels of that remark is the urge to purchase the next new shiny object. It could be a bigger house or car. It could be the latest toy. That urge to rush out and spend is strong in folks who are new to making good money. Here are three tips that I find worked for me. 

1. Stop Self-Sabotaging. Running out and purchasing the latest model 4 wheeler or that 70,000.00 truck isn't going to get you where you need to be. It's actually going to take you away from your goal. Recognize the urge for the villain it is. I am, of course, assuming that you have goals.

2. Phone a Friend: Have an accountability partner. Give them a ring. Tell them what you're planning to do. If you find yourself not wanting to share - listen to your inner voice. Are you reluctant to tell because you know it's a bad choice?

3. Turn on the Delay Switch: That's right. The delay - the space between the emotional urge to spend and the decision to spend. Promise yourself you won't buy anything for 30 days after you get the means to do so. You may change your mind in that time period. 

You don't need to reinvent the wheel. You're not the first person to experience the joy and pain of the boom and bust. 

Notes on Law of Attraction Trauma and Grief

What I know to be true is that the Laws of Attraction are solid. We really do have control over the life that we want.

The law has a flaw in that it assumes that we are all in the same place - we can just engage our positive thinking and move forward.

Not the case. For those of us who have had less than charmed lives, who have suffered layers of trauma, who have unprocessed grief, more is required.

I know it to be true - because it is my story. I couldn't engage the tenets of the law of attraction until I dealt with what had hold of me - unprocessed grief. This took a professional. No amount of wishful thinking or "a lie in transition to becoming a truth" could help me with that. I needed help from the pros and I go that help.

***Good News*** That help puts you right back in the game of life.

Upshot - get help if you need it. Don't miss out on a great life!!!!

Christmas - Keeping it Real

I love the holiday season for a number of reasons - the one that is top of mind for me is that my daughter comes home from university. But hear me out - young adults are developing their own traditions and I may have to make a reservation to get to spend any real time with her. That's just the plain truth.

Have you looked at social media lately? It is overflowing with examples of people being charitable on a large scale and a real trend toward advertising it. This can put a ton of stress on people to try and do what they do not have the means to do. Know this, there are many people out there who live lives of service who never post a single thing about it. Avoid the trap of trying to measure up.

What about the food? No one enjoys food as much as I do but I am not a person for pomp and circumstance.  My Red-neck roots always get the better of me here. I love to have a crowd in but not much for the rules and conventions around dining that some folks encourage. My grandmother would put a tray of sweets out at Christmas and have to crack my fingers more than once for trying to steal a cook before the crowd arrived. People remember how you made them feel - not whether you had the correct fork.

Here's what I suggest - put it all into perspective. Use your heart and make that heart an instrument of good will "without advertising". Do what you need to do to make it special for you - without worrying about what the Jones' are doing. Keep it real and find time to really enjoy it in spite of or maybe because of the humbleness. .